SamRoseRN

hi.. ive been out of nursing for almost more down 5 years. i quit many years ago due to anxiety. a little info about me, aside from having anxiety and depression, i have extremely low self esteem and i am highly sensitive and forgetful. i forget things in a matter of 1, 2, 3 seconds. It happens often now, and my doc gave me something to "cure" my inattention. (forgetfulness). The dc check my memory and i was negative for neurological disease. I got a perferct score on the test. Ok going back, The dose was increased but... i dont find relief. What bothers me is if i went back to being a nurse, i wont be able to control my anxiety and i was so frustrated with my forgefulness. I am not good with details. I read somewhere that depressed people are prone to this. I often make errors when i write something , lets say a info sheet in the hospital. Like when u are about to get confined. I didnt recognized that i should put the last name first, although it was indicated. 2 years ago i saw a pdoc and he said that everything that i wrote in the paper (everything that i felt during the training) was begginer's jitters. I mean he is a doctor. He knows what he is talking about. But why do i still feel this way?? I just feel i will be overwhelmed when im on the area. i dont know what to do. I need to make decision fast. I dont want to go to doctors anymore. They cant solve my inattention or forgetfulness no matter what meds they give.

I just felt i need to let this out. I feel depressed on the fact that due to debilitating anxiety i couldn't work. I think this has also something to do with my poor self esteem. I am overweight and i always doubt my capabilities.I trained a few years ago, i finished 2 out of 3.I was so stressed out during the first 2 trainings.. i finished it but i was drained and im not sure if im gonna be happy with that kind of job. Someone told me that its because thats the start. That the start is always the hardest. On the 3rd time, I was preparing for meds, the nurse left, so I was the one only preparing the meds, i was nervous, and i when she returned i think she was doubtful if i did it correctly. I know that this was a thinking error. I was so nervous and disspointed with myself that I quit. i got scared. I shouldnt predict people's impression or whatsoever. It was the last time i gave up. After that, I studied a different course, (since I gave up already on nursing) i studied 3x but i gaVE UP. When things get complicated and demanding I gave up. I couldn't live with torture thats why I wanted to just stop everything so i could breathe and I couldnt take the stress because im wits end. After all this quitting, i just felt tired and scared to try again. I am still physically able, but my mind is so frustrated if i should try again. I always think negatively and i was afraid if something could go wrong. i have other options if not nursing-- but i always think negatively. I have a lot of what ifs and its draining. I felt embarassed, because, for so long i dont have a job and it seems i have given up on myself. i know that it is only me who can help myself. I guess i will try therapy.

hi i suffer from anxiety but not all the time. stress is a trigger. when i relax, i absorb more. any tips because im goin on a training, im kinda nervous and new. Please give me tips on how to be confident and what should be the attitude of a new nurse so she can ovecome and survive?

how about you how do you face your demons? how do you deal with your anxiety? how do you carry on with the hardship of nursing?

hi. i posted some topics here about my depression and anxiety. I stopped being a nurse for 7 years. A recent doctor told me that what I am feeling is completely normal, beginner's jitters as he said. ( i wrote down things that happened during the duty such as having difficulties on doing nursing procedures). he said i could continue but I have a problem with my attitude, for most part, I am scared to make mistakes and how can I control my anxiety? I know i should change my perspective, but in learning specially at the start, what should i put on my head? im back at one and have to relearn everything. please in need some motivation and guidance. thanks!

i have to let go of the the money/salary matters most mentality. sometimes you have ur own need. i know nurses earn big. they have better job opportunities abroad. but talking with the pastor this morning made me think of myself. Sometimes i drown myself to the voices of the world to the point that i couldnt hear the voice of my heart. What it needs. What it truly wants. I have to work for God not for others or for myself. but for God. I am looking forward to say, " This is the thing God wanted me to do with my life." And i will find it.

hi. i dont want to be working in the health field anymore. I gave up and it feel wayy better. When I think about going back, it freaks me out to the point that i cannot find the "thrill" or i cannot imagine myself doing nursing and being happy. Its just the way it is. Its the only thing that has been holding me back. I confessed in a christian pastor this morning and he told me, pick something you enjoy. And i thought of photography or designing a website. Thank you soo much for being honest with me. Even if I didnt became a nurse, it molded me to the person that I am now. My dream is to reach Maslow's self actualization. I want to live my best life. I need to move on and enjoy my life :)

hi. i am 30 years old and i finished my nursing degree when I was 23 yo. I had several trainings like IVT and Adult Critical Course which lasted only for a month. I also attended some seminars. When i was about to graduate, i was diagnosed with depression. And i have anxiety too. This really interfered with the one month training, I was always panicking and scared. I cant think clearly and was always anxious. The nurse is always telling me to "relax" . I was having a hard time setting up the infusion pump too. I get scared when it beeps and it feels like i dont know what to do. Over all i feel like I am embarrassing myself. I got even more depressed because of this. However i finished and got the certificate. During the IVT, (INtravenous traning), i couldnt even insert the needle in the vein. The training usually lasts for 3 days. I finshed 7 days. Because of this i doubted my ability to be a nurse. I narrated this to my doctor and she told me to pick another career. Because this is too stressful for me. 2 doctors told me that. After some years, i took the NCLEX ...i am still hopeful..but i failed. BTW i live outside the US. My depression wasnt imporving for years. I mean, i get by, but it was on and off. Sometimes, although rarely, I've had like 3 panic attacks all my life. Sometimes at night or once when I was outside. I explored other career like baking but I knew that it isnt for me. I am the kind of person who is always inscure and self conscious and anxious. I learned how to drive (for 5 days) but was too scared to continue it. I think my reflex is slow. I have many negative "what ifs"..but somehow still when i was able to make the car move, i was proud of myself because somehow i can follow instructions and i thought that i was doing the impossible. Last month my dad was brought to the hospital for colonoscopy. I was the one with him. It was just a one day confinement. The next day I was told to pay the bill with my uncle. At first it was ok. But when the girl in the cashier was telling me something about the health insurance, it made me anxious, almost like a panic attack. The rest of the time I was really really anxious. The when it was settled, my dad asked me to buy a diaper. Still anxious at that time, i asked the nurse on the station how to buy and where to buy this. She gave me an instruction it was soo simple but i couldnt understand it! I got lost in her words. I was shaking! I asked her to repeat and step by step i went down and got the diaper. Phew. After a month, my dad brought me to a new doctor. The previous doctor gave me medicine that wasnt working for me. Plus he wasnt giving me cognitive behavioral therapy. I just think that he is not sincere. Anyway my dad brought me to a new one. Then he assesed me well. He asked me several questions. I told him about my training experience and how nervous I was. That i am always panocky confused. I am not sure if i mentioned that my mind is slow in picking things up. I told him that i was nervous on intravenous therapy and skin test. He said the it is just basic nursing skills. You did this when you were in college. (to be honest not much)The i blurted out i am a member of a weight loss support group on the web. Then he asked me are u concious and i told him yes. So he got my weight and my bmi. He said that u have a low self confidence. Losing weight will help me gain my self esteem. This gave me hope. Because its like someone believed in me and things might be possible for me especially nursing. So now im working on my weight loss. dieting and recently got a trainer in the gym. So far so good. Thank god.He gave me a new medicine. it worked for me. However i am having difficulty in sleeping. Before consulting this docotr for two weeks i couldnt get up in bed, i wasnt eating, lost 7 pounds. Luckily i found the right med for me becuase of him so I am thankful.I recently met a guy oniline who is a nurse also. I told him about what happened to me. He said get well and regain your confidence, i told him that i am scared of inserting an IV. He said there are plenty of youtube videos out there. Learn. He was right. He told me too to attend seminars. He was nice. he became a friend. I wanted to be honest. I am not sure if i am still interested with nursing. Its been years. I dont know if this is just a "confidence" issue. I am scared of going back to the hospital to train. I am scared that i would get traumatized and criticized again. Its just so hard. Maybe i dont want to make myself interested because i am soo scared to try. When I think about going back, i get stressed.But still im considering to test the water. I would like to train for intravenous training, its less than a week..just to feel it out. To make things better if that would be succesful id sign up for a 2-3 months training in a tertiary hosp. Then if i can do it, i would take the nclex and would work formally.I have plan b and c. I am an artsy kind of person. I am considering a career change. Digital arts school or going to make up school.I dont know if i am asking the right question or saying the right things, do i sound like giving up? or should i still pursue nursing?? What can u say about me testing the waters?? Am i just being relaistic with my abilities??I am kinda confused. Sorry so long. Hope someone will reply. just need help.thank you!

i am seeing this psychiatrist we are talking about medications and supplements that i could take. I told him about my depression regarding my weight and he just recommended l carnitine.. I havent tried psychotherapy with this Doctor. do you think its ok? I knew i have to discuss my feelings and stuff. BUt i dont know i think he refuses. He just gave me meds. I want your opinion do you think my depression will get better and more manageable if i lose weight? I hope it lightens my depression so thAT i could have the confidence to be a nurse!

hi. ima little confused actually. I dont know whether to go or not to on nursing. I feel its my passion but I dont know. I am still afraid the anxiety, brain fog and stress. I think the problem or what im feeling has blown of proportion.I dont know if i can survive. But i am proud to tell you that I got 2 certificates because i finished 2 trainings on nursing. One on adult critical care and IV Therapy. I also finished Basic Life support and first aid. I really lack confidence. My friend who is a nurse told me to build my confidence and that nursing is a skill. She is going to UK next year. She is an OR nurse. Now I dont know if im going to buy nclex books for review or fulfill the requirements given by a hospital to accept me for the 4 month training. For my brain fog, i am taking coconut oil because I researched that it fights brain fog. Im about to buy INositol for depression too. It is recommended by my doc. Any reply would be appreciated! Tia!

what is a brain sheet? Where do you buy it? Is it helpful? One of my fears is giving medications. I get scared because im thinking of comitting mistakes. I never had the chance to develop my skills because I was so scared. How do you build your confidence?

thank you. Actually my aunt told me to volunteer in a clinic. Just to made me feel the job even if it's not as stressful like in the hospital.

hi all. Been taking medications for depression & anxiety for almost 7 years now. I am also taking risperdal. My major problem was I couldnt stay on the training in the hospital because of brain fog. The reason according to my doctor, he said, it can come from 2 factors. The depression itself and maybe it was a side effect of the medications. My short term memory is so unreliable. I usually forget things. And 2 weeks ago i have mistaken an umbrella as a rat. I wonder will I ever get better despite of this things? My first love is nursing. It was a dream. And no matter what even if its difficult i would stilll pursue it because it is my passion. Any nurse who is suffering from brain fog too? any advice would be very much appreciated. Thank you..