I am so set on getting this particular position, and am seeking critique. I think I will inquire about my resume, but I am eager and would like the feedback on the CV first. Thank you in advance for your honest suggestions. By the way, the position is in an ER for adults/geriatric clients. Suggestions on what to include, not include, and grammar (and spelling?) are appreciated, and quickly please. I am relocating soon, and the ad was posted today (8/5), and I want this so badly. Also, anything in quotations are things that I edited for privacy purposes. Btw the client was Amish, and I was going to mention that an AMISH woman was admitted, but i don't know how relevant this is. I mean, it was definitely different, and I liked the sense of humor (he was sarcastic about not wanting blood for his wife) the husband had about his wife receiving blood (Amish people don't believe in receiving blood). Let me know please.

Ok, here it is:

Jane Doe

21 Sparrow Court * XX, NY 12345* (xxx) xxx-xxxx *

[email protected]

August 5th, 2014

Blank hospital

0888 XX St.X, XX

Zip code

Dear Human Resources Professional,

I took the NCLEX-RN on July 31^st, 2014 and am proud to say that I passed. I have made the decision to relocate to "X" on "This date" so that I can commute to "X" College to obtain my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing, part-time. I like higher acuity environments, and would like to explore the field of emergency nursing. I'm interested in the Emergency Department Residency program at "X" Hospital because I'd like to work with the adult and geriatric population and I'd like to gain experience working in a challenging and fast-paced environment that is conducive to learning.

I have rotated to the ER a few times throughout my senior year in nursing school, and the agility that the nurses possessed, the ability to provide comfort and reassurance while working in a fast-paced and challenging environment inspired me. I recall a certain experience when a woman was admitted after giving birth at home. She was bleeding out very quickly and lab work showed DIC. So many people, an ER doctor, a obstetrician, an OB/GYN Nurse Practitioner, and two or three ER nurses, were able to collaborate together to stabilize this patient. She was hooked up to a few bags of fluid and blood, with one bag of fluid containing Pitocin. She also received Methergine, and Hemabate was given every 15 minutes. The staff gave me the opportunity to write down every standing order, and to report the patient's blood pressure and pulse to the Nurse Practitioner prior to the next dose of Hemabate. The best part of the experience was that after all of the efforts the Nurses and Doctors put into restoring the patient's fluids, she went from hypotensive and barely conscious, to alert and oriented and normotensive. I also found it very satisfying to be able to take part in this process by taking down valuable information that the healthcare team needed during their resuscitative efforts, and later. Knowing that I was being counted on gave me a rush during and after the stabilization of this patient.

I am excited to start my career, especially in the exciting field of emergency nursing. My ability to communicate effectively and promptly, integrity, flexibility, and ability to remain calm and work effectively under pressure makes me an excellent candidate for the ED Nurse Residency Program. My resume and cover letter cannot fully demonstrate the manner in which I have achieved success. Character, personality, and the ability to work in a team environment can be demonstrated in a personal meeting. I would love an interview at your earliest convenience. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am certain that I would become a valuable addition to your staff.

Respectfully yours,

Jane Doe

(xxx) xxx xxxx

[email protected]

First, take out the story. Cover letters and resumes are given a preliminary 10-20 second glance by very busy HR people with hundreds of resumes to scan for one position. Going so in depth with a story means you don't respect the time of the reader. At most, I would say something about having participated in a dire situation with a patient experiencing DIC, and the care given inspired you, something like that. Keep it super brief, like I just did.

For your second paragraph, do you have any prior work experience where you demonstrated these abilities? I would weave that in if so, and be specific. "While working in retail at store X, I demonstrated problem-solving with customer service issues and multitasking, two skills that proved valuable in my nursing school experience when..." This might be a good place to insert half a sentence about a patient for whom you advocated. Instead of going into the whole Amish thing, talk about being culturally-sensitive or cultural competency.

I hope that gives you some ideas! :) If you haven't already, be sure to read through posts with resume and cover letter tips. There's some gold posted here!

First, take out the story. Cover letters and resumes are given a preliminary 10-20 second glance by very busy HR people with hundreds of resumes to scan for one position. Going so in depth with a story means you don't respect the time of the reader. At most, I would say something about having participated in a dire situation with a patient experiencing DIC, and the care given inspired you, something like that. Keep it super brief, like I just did.

For your second paragraph, do you have any prior work experience where you demonstrated these abilities? I would weave that in if so, and be specific. "While working in retail at store X, I demonstrated problem-solving with customer service issues and multitasking, two skills that proved valuable in my nursing school experience when..." This might be a good place to insert half a sentence about a patient for whom you advocated. Instead of going into the whole Amish thing, talk about being culturally-sensitive or cultural competency.

I hope that gives you some ideas! :) If you haven't already, be sure to read through posts with resume and cover letter tips. There's some gold posted here!

I cut the last two paragraphs to this (not a lot to the second paragraph):

"I have rotated to the ER a few times throughout my senior year in nursing school, and the agility that the nurses possessed, the ability to provide comfort and reassurance while working in a fast-paced and challenging environment inspired me. I recall an experience when a post-partum woman was bleeding heavily. I was given the responsibility to recording time of medication administration and vital signs. Knowing that I was being counted on gave me a rush during and after the stabilization of this patient. Besides my clinical experience, my work experience at a fast-paced call center also gave me great time management and customer service skills.

My ability to communicate effectively and promptly, my integrity, flexibility, and ability to remain calm and work effectively under pressure makes me an excellent candidate for the ED Nurse Residency Program. My resume and cover letter cannot fully demonstrate the manner in which I have achieved success. Character, personality, and the ability to work in a team environment can be demonstrated in a personal meeting. I would love an interview at your earliest convenience. Thank you for your time and consideration. I am certain that I would become a valuable addition to your staff"

How is that?

Overall, it's improved a lot. I would put it into Word and look at the sentence structure and grammatical errors, as there are a few scattered throughout. Also, I would add to the end of the sentence about the PP woman heavily bleeding that she ended up with DIC, as there's A LOT of urgency associated with DIC, and it will add a bit of power to your story, since that's what happened (according to your OP). :)

I'd remove the story too. I would ask to get great reference letters from your preceptor and instructors if possible.