Update from Jan 09' post

7 Posts

Specializes in trauma, ICU.

5 years ago I shared my experiences and I would like to update those who may care to know.

I did graduate with a BA and have subsequently graduated with a Masters degree and as of Jan 2013, I have entered a PhD program in psychology. I would have love to enter into clinical psychology program however, a word to the wise, it is nearly impossible to retain another professional license once you have relinquished any other professional license. Returning to nursing was far to difficult for me and although I do miss it from time to time, it was best I not be in the position of a potential relapse. Its been a long 6 years but I am wiser and stronger for it.

Brightest Blessings!!

Greetings Forum,

Bright eyed and fresh with the enthusiasm that a new graduate possesses, I embarked on an odyssey that continues to enlighten this nurse in recovery. Only 3 months after starting my new career in nursing, I gave birth to my first kidney stone. The physical pain was nearly as bad as the emotional pain from my recent divorce, the medication made the pain from all sources...non-existent. I had a vague remembrance of drug use from some 30 years earlier when I lived in foster homes, the seed that had been sewed many years ago was now in full bloom. Having experimented but abandoned drugs and alcohol, I was the nurse looking down her nose at the ones who couldn't/wouldn't abstain. Surely, their addiction was a result of moral weakness and a severe character flaw. Being a nurse, I knew all the right things to say in order for the prescriptions to keep flowing. What was possibly one of my greatest attributes, soon became my greatest detriment. The catalyst was my arrogance that addiction couldn't happen to me however, reality is quite different.

I am an addict who has been in recover for 14 months. I did things that I never...ever in my wildest dreams/nightmares thought that I would have done. When the well of prescribed drugs began to dry up, I began to divert waste from work. When even that was not enough, I moved to taking the narcotics of discharged patients. Soon, I was a fixis at the pixis. Everyone was so stupid and I was sooooo smart, I could obtain enough medication in 3, 12 hour shifts to sustain me the rest of the week. It was not long before I couldn't procure enough to sustain the hungry beast that had taken me over. Next plan of action was to start diverting from the patients themselves or obtain by way of dealers, what had I become? I mustered up the nerve to confide in a colleague who suggested I consult our EAP, since it was a confidential program. Unrealistically thinking that I would go detox for a few days and then return to work without missing a shift. It has been 14 months and I still do not know the extent of my repercussion's, nor my fate.

While in rehab I self reported to Ohio BON, who placed my license in inactive status (where it continues to be while awaiting criminal charges). The EAP program therapist who referred me to rehab, relayed the details of my activities to the hospital administration and I was subsequently terminated. The colleague whom I confided in activated the peer reporting system and reported the details to the BON. In addition, I confided in the therapist as to extent of my use/abuse and was therefore denied acceptance into the Ohio BON alternative chemical dependency program (history of use as a teenager/young adult). Every thing told to the BON, hospital administration and therapist was forwarded to the county prosecutor. As I stated, it has been 14 months and I have yet to be criminally charged. The attorney who I have retained to deal with the BON, states that the BON will wait until criminal charges have been dealt with before they will impose a contract to reinstate my license. Statute of limitations is 2 years, I have almost a year to go. Hopefully they will forget about me however, I deserve what ever I get. Attorney states that since this is my first offense, I will be eligible for diversion and treatment in lieu.

Furthermore, I have had to alienate myself from most of my biological family due to their consistent drug/alcohol use and the backlash, guilt and shame continue to take a tole. My house is in foreclosure, my ex-

husband is filing for custody of our child and I am starting to socially alienate myself again...I am C&S but hanging on by a hair and a prayer. On a positive note, I had always planned on returning to school (addiction got in the way) however since I do not have an active nursing license I could not complete my BSN so, I am now 9 months away from graduating with a BS in Psychology. The grand plan is to work in a recovery based capacity that utilizes my nursing as well as my psychology degree. I do not believe that I can return to clinical nursing, I do not even want to take the chance....kudo's to those of you who can. Hopefully I can attend Grad school, I am in the processes of applying now, as well as taking the GRE's. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I just cannot see it from here.

Brightest Blessings to you all!!!