time to vent again

alrite folks, I need to vent right now..hope you guys can make me feel better

I've been an RN already for 7 months.. I'm on a telemetry floor, but our specialty is that we get fresh kidney/liver transplants, and thoracic patients. So I've been on my own for the last 5 months, and everythings been gravy. ive been able to see whos gonna have my back. I thought everyone was nice and stuff. then something happened. Now I work in the nightshift. I've been having good nursing rapport with my colleagues. About 2400 midnight my patient went asystole. (gonna keep names out, HIPAA). basically I went in there, checked for pulse (absent), saw if the patient was unresponsive (he was), then I thought it was time to start a code. Pressed the button, my charge nurse ran in as quick as lightning. Now as I began doin compressions and my charge nurse bagging the patient, the rest of the staff (except for two other nurses) were just watching. i understand that sometimes maybe there might be too many people in a code. Mind you though there were only two people in the room (me and the charge nurse). Everyone should have BLS, with the nurses having ACLS (which I have). Even if they have their BLS they should be in there. My arms started to cramp after the 5 minute while waiting for the code team to come. I yelled out for someone to relieve me, but no one did, so I continued compressions. A couple of minutes later, i was told that we had a pulse. palpated and noticed I had a carotid pulse. Code team came, and the MD's check for pulses and said pulses were now strong. Good thing right? well it was my first code on my own. I was a wreck. usually ive been in codes that havent been my patient. And when it was, I was still precepting and my preceptor took over. This hit hard when it was actually me who started the code, me doing compressions and so forth. I talked to my CNIV and Nurse manager after my shift was over, and they were telling me about howt eh code went. how many people were involved. when i told them, they were shocked that not alot of people came in. (at least 3 shoudl be there. 1 to do compressions, 1 to do bagging, one to record). then they asked me who didnt come in..this is where it gets tricky. Ive made great nursing rapports. I was scared that I didnt wanna say names. they kept on saying, youre not snitching, cause we're trying to change the culture of the floor. I hesitated cause when I need my nurse manager/CNIV, or if im ever in any discrepancies, they never hesistate to help. So i figure they never hesistate to help, I should tell them honestly. So i gave them 2 names. we are now entering like 4 hours into the shift (around 0930am). I havent left the floor yet. I felt guilty knowing I said names, and maybe I shouldnt have said it. but at least I was professional because later on I approached them individually and asked tehm why they werent there. When they found out I mentioned them, they put me on blast i front of everybody/" oh you think I didnt help you, who do you think got you the IV's to start fluid maintenance." and other lines such as " oh who put the pads on the chest to be able to watch the patients rhythm". they said all that and made me feel embarrassed. Just because Im a new grad doesnt mean you can make me feel incomptent in front of everybody. i thought they shouldve been professional about it. At least go to me and ask me professionally why I told what I said. My CNIV keeps telling me that im a hero, and that I did what I had to do. She said itll all blow over in a week. I just keep thinkin that the people that i trusted thinking they would have my back, actually didnt. If they were so busy do their own assignments and stuff, then why were they just watching me the whole time doing compressions? I guess they were so busy just watching.

Maybe i'm the bad guy in all this, and if I am then Im sorry. but isnt the reason nurses are on a shift is to also be a team in nursing? when theres other codes Im in there with them, helping them in whatever they need and so forth.Stuff like this makes me dread work and not want to come to my shift knowing if anything like this happens I wont have anyone to help me. At least I know my charge nurse it there..

please any advice or anything you can make me feel better if I did the right thing.

p.s im actually on shift right now.

-kris