Cxy13

I've been a nurse manager for many years now. I don't even know where to begin with my frustrations. I almost feel guilty having read what other nurses have gone through. Just read about a nurse with an HIV positive pt who stabbed her the the needle she used for the Pts injection. im starting to lose my passion and commitment...worked my way up from a CNA to LPN to RN then RN Manager....all within a decade with a great organization who has put their trust and faith in me to manage my units and help maintain the excellent reputation and high quality care we provide the residents of our community. We are far from the "dingy, urine smelling, gross" nursing home/senior community that everyone thinks of when they think "nursing home." Our employees take great care of our residents and are cared for by management and senior leadership. Everything looks good from the outside, even from the inside....a lot of people would give to be where I am. I've worked hard to get here...now I'm here and I don't know if I should stay. i am 30 and have spent 1/3 of my life dedicated to one organization. I just thought it was the blues....but I'm tired. I'm also afraid. I don't know if I could ever leave because I'm afraid the grass is not going to be greener on the other side. All of my healthcare experience has been LTC and I'm great at what I do. I'm afraid I may not be cut out for the acute world...nor would anyone hired me knowing I don't have any other experience besides LTC and management. I regret that I never took the chance to go through a couple different jobs and gain experience...then again...I've learned so much on this path as well. I'm tired of the staff...I do more HR work than nursing. No one knows how to get along nor do they try when it comes to new generation CNAs and nurses. So much coaching and teaching and coaching and headaches. Living with anxiety thinking about that one difficult family that may call state for something a little as missing pair of socks...even after you offer to replace the socks and weave it with gold and diamonds. Working on processes and procedures to keep it all going in the right direction. I've also got what I jokingly call undiagnosed OCD...im a perfectionist, I cant rest until I perfect it. I don't get much hands on as what i do consists of paperwork and administrative like duties. I miss the residents and the hands on/face to face interaction. where do I go from here? Am I in too deep to leave? Got my PTO built up, no weekends or holidays, flexibility...but then looking at the long hours, headaches with the glorified babysitting role of new breed of staff. I worry about my work life balance and my young children. Would they want a mom that can provide them with material things and college opportunities or do they simply want a mom that is present and able to give them the undivided attention? As long as there is food on the table and a roof over our heads...that should be enough right? They would want a mom who was present, both physically and mentally. I feel like I should turn a few leaf and branch out. If I turn a new leaf, I will be starting from the bare bones...swing shifts, no flexibility...just another name on a spreadsheet amongst the other nurses names. Would have to be trained like a new grad if going into a different specialty. Has anyone been in these shoes before? Am I just being crazy? Has anyone been in LTC nurse management then left and never looked back? Is it just the blues--and how do I get over it? What would you do? I'm just trying to rule out a midlife crisis!