shabbypanda

Hey everyone! I know this topic has probably been discussed so many times but I just really need to get some things off my chest. I am currently in my last year of a BSN program and I work as a nursing assistant in an ICU at a HUGE hospital. I was so excited to land this job and getting in to nursing school and what not, but I really don't think I knew what I was getting myself in to. First off, I do well in nursing school. I've never struggled and I have gotten good grades, but my anxiety levels have always been through the roof. I have hated every single clinical I have been in. I am in peds right now and I don't hate it that much, but I feel like I'm forcing myself to like it. I never knew how much documentation nursing is.... I feel like that is most of what they do! It is so stressful and you are responsible for so much and I HATE it. I'm working in this job that supposed to be a "learning" position (honestly I haven't learned much of anything) and I literally dread going to work. I work as little as possible because I absolutely hate it. I like working with people, that's not the problem. I am just terrified of being responsible for someones life (especially ICU... shout out to you guys, you are amazing!). I think the ICU is cool but it's terrifying, and I can't stand medsurg. I love medicine and I like kids, but I am honestly so terrified. Everyone in my program is so excited to graduate and become nurses but I honestly don't share their excitement and I desperately want to. Have any of you guys felt this way? Or am I alone in this? Because I have cried and had enough anxiety about this and I don't know what to do. I just can't help shake the feeling that I'm not going to be happy as a nurse. This job and school have made me completely miserable. Does that go away? Sorry for the long post, I've just been struggling horribly lately and I hope I am not the only one who has dealt with this. I just don't know what there is out there for me that isn't going to make me have horrible amounts of anxiety where I can't sleep.