knursing

I thank you for your response. I have since pulled out of my nursing program (it was terribly hard to do) and have enrolled in a more intense mental health treatment plan. I have considered psychology as a major when I return to school, as this is what I was previously studying prior to switching to the nursing path. I have considered pursuing OT but am still unsure as to the physical demands there. I still feel lost and overwhelmed. My poor mental state is no help there. Thanks again.

I will be seeking further help and I am currently under the care of a Psych NP and therapist. I'm so concerned that if I can't do nursing, that nothing else out there in the world is for me. I love health and medicine and I'd want some interaction with people and caregiving. I'm at a loss and feel I have to have some sort of plan figured out before I drop from my program.

I recently started in an ADN nursing program at a local community college. The first week was a roller coaster of emotions and I can't help but feel overwhelmed. This is completely normal from what I hear and read. I had prepared myself tremendously prior to the start of my program, I had watched countless youtube videos documenting nursing school and the process, study tips, what exams and clinicals are like, etc. I had even talked to many nurses about the career itself and I hear nothing but extremely negative things... long endless hours, lack of breaks, poor administration, unsafe working conditions, under-staffing issues, bullying and "catty-ness" on the floor, complete disrespect from upper medical personnel... the list goes on. I'm nervous that I can not cut it in this type of atmosphere and the pressure and stress of it all will be too much. My professors so far have put that out there too pretty clearly that nurses "eat their young" and that they all can be rather cruel and after one another. I'm sitting here thinking how in the world am I going to survive and even thrive in this environment. I am a rather shy introverted person... with very little healthcare experience coming in so everything is out of my comfort zone. My group that I have been placed in for our labs is all experienced with many years of previous work experience in medicine (CNA, X-ray, techs, etc...) I feel inadequate and undoubtedly scared. I also suffer from severe depression, PTSD, GAD, OCD, as well as chronic back pain due to a disk injury and tear about 7 years ago. I don't know if I can physically and mentally handle this field of work. Ever since school started my back has been bothering me from long extended periods of sitting for lecture, my long commute, studying and reading... Its killing me already and I haven't even got to the point of lifting or ambulating patients. Unfortunately my mental health problems have been dragging me down, even more so as I completed my first week of nursing school. I was trying relentlessly over the previous 2 years to get myself "together" more to be able to handle this all because it was what I seemingly wanted to do with my life-- I love school, studying, medicine, helping people-- but I don't think I can cut it in the real nursing environment. The stress of the career is going to be too much for me, I have heard horrible things about the profession-- even from nurses currently licensed now. I know it is very stressful and having a shift work schedule which varies week to week wouldn't help me as well. The thing is I've been so persistent to do this that I had made it the only thing in my life to live for, the only thing that drove me to get up everyday, but now that I'm here beginning the schooling part of it, I'm realizing it might not be the best for me. Though I love the content and the book work part of it all, I don't think being in the clinical setting or as much so as a nurse is, is right for me. I don't know what to do. I feel lost. I feel suicidal. I think my life is over. And it sounds ridiculous to hear myself say or rather type, but it's the truth to my feelings. My mental health isn't good either (obviously) and I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to better fix it or at least progress in that area. So physically and mentally I feel I cannot do nursing. It breaks my heart to think this way because I love the idea of being a nurse. I respect and admire it so much. I'm probably going to end up withdrawing soon and when I do I might have to hospitalize myself and go through that process... my psych NP and therapist have both brought this up before and I should have listened to them when they told me to consider putting off school. I have no support system. School was suppose to be my saving grace and help me out of this depression... but that hasn't been the case yet My heart is broken and torn. I am at a loss for words, I am lost

I recently started in an ADN nursing program at a local community college. The first week was a roller coaster of emotions and I can't help but feel overwhelmed. This is completely normal from what I hear and read. I had prepared myself tremendously prior to the start of my program, I had watched countless youtube videos documenting nursing school and the process, study tips, what exams and clinicals are like, etc. I had even talked to many nurses about the career itself and I hear nothing but extremely negative things... long endless hours, lack of breaks, poor administration, unsafe working conditions, under-staffing issues, bullying and "catty-ness" on the floor, complete disrespect from upper medical personnel... the list goes on. I'm nervous that I can not cut it in this type of atmosphere and the pressure and stress of it all will be too much. My professors so far have put that out there too pretty clearly that nurses "eat their young" and that they all can be rather cruel and after one another. I'm sitting here thinking how in the world am I going to survive and even thrive in this environment. I am a rather shy introverted person... with very little healthcare experience coming in so everything is out of my comfort zone. My group that I have been placed in for our labs is all experienced with many years of previous work experience in medicine (CNA, X-ray, techs, etc...) I feel inadequate and undoubtedly scared. I also suffer from severe depression, PTSD, GAD, OCD, as well as chronic back pain due to a disk injury and tear about 7 years ago. I don't know if I can physically and mentally handle this field of work. Ever since school started my back has been bothering me from long extended periods of sitting for lecture, my long commute, studying and reading... Its killing me already and I haven't even got to the point of lifting or ambulating patients. Unfortunately my mental health problems have been dragging me down, even more so as I completed my first week of nursing school. I was trying relentlessly over the previous 2 years to get myself "together" more to be able to handle this all because it was what I seemingly wanted to do with my life-- I love school, studying, medicine, helping people-- but I don't think I can cut it in the real nursing environment. The stress of the career is going to be too much for me, I have heard horrible things about the profession-- even from nurses currently licensed now. I know it is very stressful and having a shift work schedule which varies week to week wouldn't help me as well. The thing is I've been so persistent to do this that I had made it the only thing in my life to live for, the only thing that drove me to get up everyday, but now that I'm here beginning the schooling part of it, I'm realizing it might not be the best for me. Though I love the content and the book work part of it all, I don't think being in the clinical setting or as much so as a nurse is, is right for me. I don't know what to do. I feel lost. I feel suicidal. I think my life is over. And it sounds ridiculous to hear myself say or rather type, but it's the truth to my feelings. My mental health isn't good either (obviously) and I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to better fix it or at least progress in that area. So physically and mentally I feel I cannot do nursing. It breaks my heart to think this way because I love the idea of being a nurse. I respect and admire it so much. I'm probably going to end up withdrawing soon and when I do I might have to hospitalize myself and go through that process... my psych NP and therapist have both brought this up before and I should have listened to them when they told me to consider putting off school. I have no support system. School was suppose to be my saving grace and help me out of this depression... but that hasn't been the case yet My heart is broken and torn. I am at a loss for words, I am lost