splashOR

I'll start off by telling you I have not had anxiety until NURSING SCHOOL. My first attempt at passing the NCLEX was 7 weeks after graduation and 6 weeks after my wedding. I felt confident going into the test knowing multiple classmates had passed. I used Kaplan while still in school and Saunders and NCLEX-RN Mastery app after graduating. My study plan was loose the first go around because I felt confident I would pass the test the first time. I did about 30-40 questions from the app. I took the test, felt like I failed but was told "that's how everyone feels" ok. But then I got home and couldn't help but do the damn Pearson-vue trick. I proceeded through re-registering for the NCLEX, my credit card was charged and I got a notification on the screen saying an email would be sent for retesting. AND.THEN.I.DIED. I had a job lined up in the Emergency Department as a new grad, a job that was highly competitive and desired. I felt so lucky to have been given this opportunity. And I had to call my "manager" and tell him I wouldn't be coming in for orientation on Monday. I imagined the response I would get would be "wow, ok we thought you could do it but we are going to have to offer the position to someone else now" I told him I didn't pass the first time. His response - "neither did I". And my heart sank. He talked to me on the phone for half an hour and told me there were other nurses working in the department who hadn't passed the first time and they are great nurses. He told me to stop beating myself up, which I was... and my job offer was still on the table. I was my worst enemy bringing out all of my insecurities. The next weeks I was in the darkest hole I have ever been in. I told myself have a degree that I can't use, I'm not smart enough to pass, all my other classmates passed so why didn't I? Becoming a nurse has been my goal for seven years and now my life cannot move forward because of this "hiccup". I allowed myself to have a pity party for 2 weeks then buckled down again with a new plan because obviously something I did before didn't work. I started taking St. Johns Wort, Gingko Biloba, Emotional Ally tincture and multivitamins. I also turned on my Himalayan salt lamp and lavender/chamomile diffuser. I needed to address my biggest obstacle of depression and anxiety surrounding the NCLEX. I avoided social interactions and turned off Facebook. Sadly seeing my classmates succeeding made me feel even shittier about my situation. I say avoided but really I didn't want to have any unwanted dialogue about the NCLEX, this would only create more anxiety as everyone has a method they would tell me. My new plan was to strictly use UWorld. Everyday I did 75 questions which included detailed explanations of the answers, better than Kaplan, better than NCSBN and better than the NCLX-RN app... in my opinion. I'm not a morning person and unfortunately the only options for the test were 8am. I began training my body to go to bed early and wake up at 5am each day so that my brain was at it's peak at 8am. The week before the second test I did a mock NCLEX test of 75 questions. I felt like I was doing horrible, but at the end I got 68% which was great for me. I relaxed the day before. When I got to the parking lot the day of the test I wrote down all of my worries which seemed to be a physical relief for me. I went into the test center still feeling extremely anxious. When I finally sat down in front of the computer, it wasn't until the first question was on the screen that I began to have to talk myself out of the anxiety I was feeling. I distracted my anxious brain by pausing and writing down all of the little details I was trying to retain. And then I began doing conscious breathing. I took about 5 minutes which seemed like eternity in there while the clock on the computer was running. My heart rate lowered and I began taking questions more relaxed. I felt this go around with the test that the questions were not as challenging as the first time. I took breaks at question 30 and question 70 (I knew my anxiety would peak if I hit question 76 without a break). Each break I used the bathroom, drank water and reapplied my "anxiety" salve. (The testing center reeked of my relaxation potions, but I didn't care). I went back in from my last break and the test stopped after 75 questions. When I got in my car I collapsed from all of the emotions. I then went home packed up my car and headed out to the coast to camp for 2 nights. I need to avoid the anxiety of waiting for the test results. That part KILLED me. SO horrible. When we headed back home from camp 2 days after the test I got an email saying OSBN had received my application and would be beginning my background check...good sign. I raced to a coffeeshop and logged in and began happy crying again when I saw my test results as Passed. I would recommend the use of UWorld. I felt it was as close to the NCLEX style questions. And really it's the training of the style and how to answer questions even though you have no idea what they are asking! You cannot possibly study all of the content that could be asked.