AubreyJaneRN

I'm commenting even though its late, I'm exhausted, and I only accidentally read your post when looking for something else, but I felt compelled because some of the real ridiculous comments above from people who have lost all compassion and should rethink their careers. Loosing your first patient is tough. I remember mine, a little boy and soft hair that had been accidentally left in a car. The blood spilled out of his little nose as by the time I was there to do compressions it was much much too late for anyone to save him. I will say, that you deal with it better with time when you get to see the good that you do. I had an amazing doctor whom, even 45 years into his career with accolades miles long, told me that what we are doing is postponing death and we don't always win, and that is not something to be too upset about because many times we do win. If you're like me, that first code and lost patient hurts not because we feel like we really personally lost that person, as some of the more insensitive posters have claimed, but because our empathy allows for us to feel for the patients and their families in ways that do cause true grief and trauma. But through patience in your nursing practice and through rededicating yourself to the work you do, you will move on, and you will work harder, smarter, and continuously more thoughtful because of the experience. It is always okay to feel things in our profession and don't let any stodgy nurse tell you otherwise, as long as you harness these feelings to do good and be your best, you will be fine. If anything, my best moments in nursing have been those moments where I could hold someones hand and truly connect with them. I have ran many codes in the ED and likely helped save a lot of lives, but those hand-holding moments are the ones that have changed me and made me a better person and a better nurse. Long story short, it's okay to grieve, but remember to focus on the good that we as nurses do. And most importantly, WELCOME to the greatest profession there is (biases accounted for )