Ronda89

I haven't been following the vaxxed thread, I just read the first page of replies and kept sawing "conspiracy theorists" being thrown around, and haven't been back since. I think it's like hitting someone in a car accident and severely injuring them. The panic, fear, horrible feeling of what you've just done is earth shattering!! If only there was something else to blame, "Oh, they were too old to be driving!" Anyway, I will remain convinced that Mercury is bad. Heavy metals are bad. Thalidomide is bad. Squalene is bad. There are clean vaccines, and then there's all the rest. It's a toss of the dice if/how the person is going to noticeably affected. I can read inserts. I do read inserts.

Ok, I just want to clarify a few things... The patient was given a straight cath. Why anyone would assume otherwise confuses me. Nothing in my op insinuated that the patient "left with a cath." So, whatever... The patient was not handcuffed until they came to transport him. I clarified that in one of my follow-up posts, by there it is again. More than one (three, I think) persons to reply has questioned why the patient wasn't given socks... The reason he wasn't, was the same reason his clothes were taken in the first place... I would think that would be obvious, too. Someone suggested that it was because I was still "admiring" his feet. True, they were nice, but my later mention (focus at the time) of his bare feet was in relation to his vulnerability.

I would have still felt just as bad for the patient, for what they were going through, for what had brought them to the ED in the first place. No difference in those regards if they were unattractive. I'm sure I wouldn't have cared to have asked him to change into another gown, though. You have to consider the nature of my patient's complaint in this scenario. Yes, his attractiveness definitely compounded the intimacy of the situation; but it was different from asking a patient to remove clothing, help them, or do it for them if they were unable when actual medical attention was required. Without the physical injury, it didn't feel natural, and (thinking back) I think it felt (to me) like asking him to completely undress created this superior/inferior context… Something like that… Like I either felt slightly dominant by doing so, or felt the need to distinguish myself in that role. I think that is what I first confused as feeling sadistic – even though I'm not anything like that. And then, immediately, I felt embarrassed for feeling that I had that authority (power) over him. Then it became stronger while we walked through to the safe room. That is when it felt like I was in control of him, that he was like my property? It may have just been more of that authority feeling, accentuated by parading him through ED in that skimpy gown. The superiority/inferiority feeling became more apparent whenever I was with him in the safe room. Just minutes earlier, there had been a brief moment immediately after his opening up to me that I think we both felt like equals, reciprocal (like him needing someone to listen, and me having been that person) and maybe this mutual attraction, like equal in those aspects. Worthy?? Like he would have possibly feared/valued my judgment, rather than someone he felt beneath him?? And now, same two people, only he barely has anything on, and has essentially, temporarily, lost his freedom – and I'm the one who it would seem like I them from him… My property, like I said before…

Did you do that purposely to distract yourself from your own discomfort of the situation? Because truly, at first blush, I thought your post was about attraction, and had to do with boundaries. I was just writing how I felt, then and still later. Do you have Psych on board in your ED? No. My gut reaction on first read was also there was an element of attraction between you or from you. I don't know if this was real or just a side-effect of the writing style or the unusual and intimate circumstances. Yes, there was an element of attraction. The unusual/intimate circumstances definitely impacted the situation. I had a few queries too. Is suicidal ideation such a high risk that it's necessary to remove all underwear with handcuffs on? Surely one would struggle to injure oneself with underwear if handcuffed? No. The patient was not handcuffed until transportation to facility. Procedure. Did he have to be fully naked at any point? Could he not have covered himself with a towel whilst waiting for a gown? Did you transition from him telling you his inner feelings to asking him to strip in any way or was it as abrupt as it sounds? And why couldn't he have been given the correct size gown when you realized? After he told me what he everything, we just sort of stared at each other, not saying anything. For a moment everything seemed still. That was broken by the first male techs checking to see if they were needed. I went back to my notes, briefly, then told him to undress. I think it may have caught him off guard. The first time, I was extra polite about it. Meek, maybe... The second, a little more matter-of-fact. Then, I thought I was going to have to undress him myself. But, this was all in seconds. I could have just caught him off guard. I know he was not expecting it. Maybe he expected me to leave, and was waiting for that. But, I do not think my presence made him uncomfortable, though. As soon as he started, I went to the corner to get a gown. I was not watching, and a tech came to escort us to a safe room. My patient was taking his boxers off at that point, stopped for a second, then went ahead. Like it was obvious it was not a big deal for him when it was just me in the room, but now with the big male tech staring right at him, I think it humiliated him some. I did not want him to have to sit there naked so I hurried and handed him a gown. I thought they were all adult sizes. I had just finished asking him three times to undress; did not want to again; did not want to ask him to in front of tech. Possible error on my part. The emotions you're describing of not daring to look and the relief when entering the safe room, what do you think that they are all about? Was it embarrassment for your patient's sake having to parade through the ED with his posterior on display or was it about your own thoughts/reactions? I felt like his attractiveness would be noticed, and if I looked at them, they would think I was checking to see if they were looking, and assume I felt the same... Idk... The gown was not much – even by ED standards – so, yeah... The safe room reminds me of a prison cell, and I just hated leaving him there. I think you would hate leaving anyone there, alone. I kept thinking about him in there. I am not sure if he really felt like I betrayed him or not. I just felt like I had in some way, even though I know I had not. Like by confiding in me, he got himself into this unpleasant situation. I think with him being naked and only having the gown (any hospital gown) that he just looked like he had been feminized and made so vulnerable. That is the way he had to leave too.

Thanks. Yeah, I didn't think there was anything that incorrect or inappropriate about my actual actions. I didn't mean to sound like a romance novel, I just remember everything so vividly. I had thought I'd felt something from him when he was telling me all this that had happened. I know it's part of my job, but it was pretty personal stuff. I think he felt like he could trust me, and then with his clothes and the humiliation, I feel like he felt like I had betrayed him. I felt really bad. But I agree with all of the precautions. I'd got him another gown, it's just thati didn't want to make him undress again... I'd just like for him to know I feel bad for him. That I'm on his side. Only wanted to help/do my job. That and I don't think he's really suicidal, just needing someone to talk to. From that to being led away in handcuffs and in an ill-fitting gown... I wish there was something I could do.

My head is still spinning. Working ED, when a 25 y/o male is referred (by his friends) for suicidal ideation. I walk pt. back after initial screening. Complaints? As pt. elaborates (over-elaborates) My jaw almost drops! Nothing he's done, but what has happened to him in the past 24/48hrs/week of his life is CRAZY! Feel totally bad for him; want to tell him that he maybe making a mistake - but it's not as though he's reporting himself...others are concerned... Yeah, sometimes it doesn't go unnoticed, but in this particular instance it would be impossible not to notice/to ignore: he's adorable. Male techs enter room and I tell them that they're not needed. Pt. is cooperative; not violent. They leave. Vocabulary is very intelligent; pronunciation (although soft and somewhat monotone) is clean/sheer; very pleasant voice. All the more so making it surreal when it is time to tell pt to disrobe. I actually say "undress." "Everything," I say, "including socks and underwear." Why did that feel so awkward?!?! This is my profession! Why am I even reminding myself of this, I wonder. I'm not being sadistic - it's not even a word in my vocabulary. So why do I feel this way? Why is it the only thing that comes to mind then/now?? Nothing. Did he hear me?? For goodness sakes (all occurring in split seconds') but it was hard enough (awkward, compelling?) for me to say it once already, now I have to repeat myself?!?! Remember: Logic over emotion. I say it again. This time: "I need you to to..." Stressing the "I need" part while staring directly into his eyes. I detached while doing so. Logic over emotion. If this sounds crazy, not two minutes ago, this individual bore his soul to me, and now I'm ordering him to strip naked with all the conviction of a Starbucks employee asking a person for their order... Yeah, it's my job. No, I'm not a psych nurse. And no, either I've not had enough experience to automatically (in my mind) consider this person a threat, or I just don't believe he is, but it's protocol. I begin to assist. I feel power. I feel embarrassed by - not the act- but for the power I'm feeling. Make it quick. Avoid eye contact. Start with non-intimate. Shoes, socks. Wow! Nice feet! Is that a pedicure?? Seriously!?! Anything to take my mind off, I guess... Why?? Because this is so surreal?? The socks must've made a connection to "socks and underwear" that I muttered moments earlier. "Oh...sorry" he said. "What?!?!" Another lightbulb/total realization. I repeat for a third time: "....everything...underwear...it's for your safety...it's our policy..." I explain. I step away, shifting my focus on fetching a gown from the corner basket. Pt. proceeds to undress himself. Male tech enters; looks at pt, then to me, then back to pt. Monumentous moment. I look at pt. Pt. had paused, momentarily, then as if succumbing/accepting the humiliation of it, continued to undress. Safe room. That's what the tech had to say. That pt needed moved to a safe room - as he grappled with his captivation. Again, I turn my attention. Look for gown, grab one, hand to pt in a manner consistent with wanting to end show. Did not notice it was child's size. CRAP!! The three of us walking through ED, down hall to safe room. Feel all eyes on pt; feel eyes on me; don't dare look. Safe room. Finally. Relief. Nothing. Empty room. Sad. Lonely. Isolation. Too small gown. Leave. It's over. Finally. Yeah, right.... Can't get my mind off. Nervous. Shaky. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! 15 minutes. A lifetime. Look in on Pt. Why am I staring at his bare soles? Conveyance of something... Feminization?? No, that's the damn gown! Something...something... Vulnerability?? That must be it. "Hi...how are you doing?" Feel stupid. He looks at me like I betrayed him. At least that's what it feels like. "Ok" he says. Leaving room, he stops me. "What's going to happen?" I tell him a professional, evaluation, blah, blah... "Then what?" "I don't know." "Just be honest." Later. F-you eyes with following checks. "You think I'm crazy?" "No." Off duty. Stick around. Girls at desk commenting on pt. A catheter?!?! Can't go. Urine screen. Seriously?? A damn catheter?!?! Yes! Going to facility. Led away. Handcuffs. Barefoot. Open back, too short/tight/small gown. Near naked. Still on my mind. Still thinking of him. Wondering what will happen to him..