Anon22

Thank you to everyone for the support. I do have a non nursing job that I actually enjoy. After talking to my caseworker she is going to try to have the missed uds excused since I did everything right so I guess we will see. I did get blessed with a caseworker that actually cares about the people she is monitoring.

It's been over two years now, but thank you for the information. I wish I would have known then.

Try aspen university

I wasn't working and was reported at an ER when I went in with a bad reaction to Ativan I took for my withdrawl symptoms. So yes they can report you for getting help. Guess it depends on where you go.

I am so depressed and just feel like handing over my liscense and saying screw it. In 2013 I became a nurse, I had a problem with alcohol before that but it got worse after my first job as an RN. I was a functional alcoholic but finally realized I had a problem. I was scared to death that if I sought out help I would lose my liscense so I quit my job and tried to quit drinking cold turkey. I didn't expect the DT's to be so bad. A well meaning friend gave me Ativan to help and I stupidly took it and wound up in the ER were I was reported. I voluntarily joined the monitoring program in my state. I am very committed to my sobriety but I feel like I can't catch a break. Due to the financial burden of the drug tests and counseling I was homeless so I missed a couple of call ins and one drug test. I had a positive screen due to a friend giving me a Tylenol bottle with Firocet in it and not telling me. I lost my stay of discipline and now the whole world can read every sordid detail. Even after all that I kept plugging on. I have not been able to find work as a nurse. Today though I feel like giving up. I had to drug test, second time this week, and had to borrow money from my MIL to do it. I went to the same after hours place I alway do and was told they wouldn't accept. They said a credit card number I have them was rejected from a previous visit and I needed all the money up front. They didn't call me earlier in the day to tell me this or I could have either tried to get the money or go to a different site. So I couldn't drug test. Now it's 12:30am and I'm typing this crying my eyes out wondering if I'm going to be told that I'm losing my liscense for noncompliance and if I'm not if all this stress is really worth it. I feel like the only times I've even thought of relapsing has been due to the pressures of this program. I won't relapse, I have to many other things in my life that are helping to keep me sober, but really is it even worth it anymore.