SICU17

This might actually be the best thing that happened to you. Sounds like you definitely have the wrong fiancé. Anyone who wouldn't get married to you due to location of a job isn't worth it. You deserve better. Don't marry this selfish person who obviously puts himself in front of you....that's ridiculous. You need someone who has the same compassion that you have.

I have panic disorder and depression, and was put on a probationary orientation also. My number one recommendation-get back on your medication. I'm not sure how you are even making it without it to be honest. You're body is not only worn out from working a twelve hour shift, but it's worn out from going through so much anxiety/panic/stress throughout the day plus who knows how your even sleeping. Put down the books after your shifts. You're brain can only take so much. Just focus on learning the procedures and time management right now. You'll pick up what you need to know on the job. You should know plenty from studying for the NCLEX/from school right now. Learn about the job while you're at work, rest at home. REST AT HOME. Don't think about work...you may as well be there if you're thinking about it cause it's taking up you're time even if you're just thinking about it. Let your brain and body rest, let the medication help you through this time at work. I got through it...believe me, you can too. I've been at my nursing job for over 8 months now and I'm still trying to practice not thinking about work while I'm at home and trying to get sleep. But it's okay to take your medication, give yourself a break...You have it to be able to function to your fullest capacity. Try it. Me and you worry way too much, I used to take out my book too. Dont worry about pts or whoever watching you. Zone them out and pay attention to what your doing. If you can, get meds out and scanned before going over to your pt so they won't throw your focus off by talking. Do the easiest pt first. The list in your head of what there is left to do will be shorter. Pts who are talkers...always save for last. Youre putting too much pressure on yourself. Just learn the job, rest at home, and take your meds. That's my suggestion from a very similar situation. You'll be alright.