sneezingpanda

wow, thanks for all the support everyone. I'm currently in the process of withdrawing from all of my classes and getting ready to move out, I also just started on a medication. I'm just going to stay at home for a while, then go to community college and hopefully transfer into another nursing program. thanks again for all the comments and advice, you guys have all been so helpful

thanks everyone, I talked it over with my adviser and counselor and kind of agreed that taking some time off is probably for the best. I also have an appointment for a psych evaluation in two days so hopefully they'll know what might help

tl;dr - I've been saying I want to stick it out but I keep screwing things up and I just feel like I'm full of excuses and laziness and don't really think I'm cut out for nursing school, but I still feel like want to get a BSN and I'm just really lost and can't sort out a coherent forum post. sorry this is the least helpful tl;dr ever So this semester I've been feeling increasingly more depressed and have been having more and more suicidal thoughts these past few weeks. My grades have been going downhill since starting university, and this semester especially I've been bombing a lot of tests and quizzes mostly because I just can't find the will to get off my ass and study. I don't know if its the depressed feelings that's causing the bad grades or the other way around. I finally just told my parents and started seeing a therapist and I'm just trying to keep it together for now... my parents want me to come home and either take time off or withdraw to figure out what's wrong with me and whether I should change my major and whatnot. I've been telling them I want to stick it out through nursing school and I feel like it would be a waste to quit, but in all honesty I have no idea what to do. Last week I kind of freaked out and had to leave in the middle of class because I couldn't stop crying, and long story short one of the professors came and talked to me and I ended up going to our school's mental health services and have an appointment this week to get a psychiatric evaluation so I guess I'll see how that goes. So back to screwing things up, I keep failing tests and forgetting assignments and this past week I completely forgot to take a quiz for my online class before it closed and I even forgot to do my clinical onboarding for my next rotation which is supposed to be due today. So at this point I'm starting to think I might have to leave, but at the same time I feel like I'm just lazy/dumb/worthless and making up excuses for not being able to do anything right. I've always been so proud to tell people that I'm in nursing school and I have a couple of close friends here at school that I don't want to leave if I drop out or whatever(I'm at school in the midwest and I'm from the west coast), but I'm starting to wonder if I really have a choice anymore. Sorry for all the rambling! I hope I didn't waste anyone's time. I'm supposed to see my therapist and my academic adviser tomorrow so I guess I'll ask them what they think