nabee34

Hello my fellow RNs, I am writing to seek an advice on my issue regarding Social Anxiety. I came here to the state in 2005 as an international student. I studied hard and became RN in 2010. After long job search time(2 years) I finally landed my first full time RN job at a local educational university hospital telemetry/medsurg unit in DC. It was the most difficult 1.5 year time in my entire life because I was cursed verbally by a lot of patients many times (I can handle this because I understand they are sick. And I honestly don't really understand the swearing + mumbling words.) and 90% of my patients were very heavy weight which I got my chronic lower back pain from. (There was not enough CNAs. Occasionally 1 CNA for 16-18 patients only if we're lucky) The next job I had was full time ICU night shift RN at a private hospital in SW Florida which lasted only 6 months. I had a great fear of not having a physician present during the night shift and had to wake the MD up by paging them only when I did everything I can but still need new orders. First not only I always had fear of talking to someone on the phone but also I felt like I was living on the edge. I took a long time off like 5 months and got another opportunity at a small surgery center/clinic where I got fired from after 3months working because I was rude and disrespectful to the office manager. The practice thought of me highly (a physician told me) but I refused their offer to be full time from my original part time position. As a part time RN I was scheduled to come in Tue through Thursday. Occasionally they schedule procedures on Mondays and Fridays and ask me if I can come with short notice like few hours. I always responded to come in and assisted the surgeons. But I have my life too so I schedule personal things on the days I am not scheduled to come in. Eventually I wrote a official email stating that I will do my best to come in for the days I am not scheduled but I recommend to hire a PRN nurse just in case I can't come in. And that was rude and disrespectful to the office manager...?! I don't understand how recommending to ensure the sufficient staffing can be seen as rude and disrespectful to someone. Did I just get discriminated based on my race? or was I wrong? I talked to a lawyer about this event but I decided to let it go. This whole nursing experience has been very negative and I now think maybe it is me who has issues:( ? I am totally confused now. I am fine with patients but I feel very awkward with colleagues (they're all nice people.) I don't have any friends in the state after being here 10 years. I usually don't have anything in common with people around here so I feel ve~ry nervous when I have to socialize with people in some event. I am looking different options like being back to school for MSN and want to make sure the right major. I am even questioning if nursing is right for someone like me who is very introverted and anxious about phone calls and saving life..