Lillian89

Thank you so much for your reply, I feel less alone and guilty already! It helps to know you've also felt guilty about not speaking up and ended up beating yourself up too. In IR we do procedures such as angioplasty, PTC's, billiary drains, IVC filters, embolizations, TIPSS, biopsies & more. So a huge variety! Thank you for your reference of the AORN standards, I will read through it again. I seem to feel competent to speak up without thinking when I am sure of a break - like yesterday I saw a doctor (not scrubbed) touch a sterile cover and I immediately changed it despite him being adamant he had not touched it. The problems arise when I'm not sure or I'm not sure if it's my place to say where I struggle. Especially if I think the other person must have seen? I think if I spoke up every time I wasn't sure I would be questioning things every half hour. I'm not sure if it's my rational side assesses the situation and decides I don't need to speak up/it's ok & then is it just my anxiety and the what if's that start after that distress me? Should I be trusting my initial reactions? I just have lost all self confidence and self trust since the couple of times I didn't speak up when I should have & put those patients at risk and I worry I will again

Hi all. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I could really do with some help/advice. I work in interventional radiology where most of our procedure are done under sterile conditions. I am quite new to this environment working in it for about 6-8 months intermittently. I am absolutely ashamed to admit that while I was training I opened a sterile item and as the scrub nurse took it it touched my thumb, I froze like a rabbit in the headlights and by the time I had formed the words to speak up they had already used this item so it was too late. I went home feeling like a horrible person, that I had put a patient at risk and how I shouldn't be allowed to do this job. Now I feel anxious all of the time around sterile fields, I over analyse everything and seem to be constantly pointing out possible breaks (I am pretty sure no-one is as paranoid as me about sterility) I seem to be the only one that sees things, or at least the only one who worries about them. I feel guilty all of the time, run through things in my head over and over again, beating my self up over tiny little situations where I feel I could have done better/should have spoken up and worry I haven't learnt from my mistakes. I spoke to my boss and our infection control nurse who just said "if you're not sure if something has been de sterilised just say" but this doesn't help me as I daily worry about things being contaminated and feel it's all my responsibility to monitor everything! For example today the xray equipment bumped into a sterile lead shield (I didn't see it, just heard it) I then saw the doctor moving the lead shield, I panicked incase the part he was touching had been contaminated but I was the other side of the room, didn't see where it touched and assumed he had ensured where he touched was fine but now in hindsight worry was it my responsibility to say something? Have I put this patient in danger also? Any words of wisdom? Am I a terrible person? Do I have lower standards than everyone else? Wow that was long! Sorry guys xx