jrabbit619

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. Taking all advice into consideration and so far so good. I'll definitely keep you all posted on what happens but for now everything is working out. However, I need advice on a particular subject, but I don't want to post all the details here. I would love to DM someone instead. So if I could DM you please let me know!

***Long Post. If you don't want to read it all go to bottom for summary! Hello everyone. I just wanted to thank everybody for the advice. I wanted to give you all an update since it's been a while since I posted. Everything has been calm in my household since last time I posted. Still very much dysfunctional, but calm none the less. I have been working full time all summer so I'm rarely home, which cuts down on a lot of unnecessary problems. I did attempt to develop a better relationship with my mom, to no prevail. For a couple of weeks I would come home and try to talk to her--spark up a conversation. Ask her about her day, talk about my day at work, etc. I always got nothing. Every now and then she will say a couple words here or there, but majority of the time she is very uninterested in me or anything I have to say. On the other hand, she talks for hours on end with my sister. There has also been another thing that has been bothering me. Naturally, my mom is a very loud person, she talks very loud. For as long as I can remember, I have never known her to have an "inside voice", so when she talks to where she can't be heard, I know something is up. When I come home from work and she and my sister are talking, they completely stop talking when I enter the room. Then as I go off to my room they would start back talking but they do a lot of whispering, which leads me to think they may (or may not) be talking about me, or they may not want me in their conversation. This is something that goes on 90% of the time, and has been happening for a couple years now. Ever since I was about 13/14, me and my mom's relationship has been non-existent. There is no on and off. It has been an on-going problem for almost 10 years. I've always been a good kid. Kind of shy, very quiet. Got straight A's in elementary, middle, and high school, and have even been able to maintain it throughout college. I wasn't the typical teenager. Never got in trouble at school, no drama, no fights, etc. Literally went to school and straight home in high school, never hung out with friends, etc. So I honestly don't know how all of this came about. I will never understand how a mother could be so emotionally unattached to her child, realize the emotional damage she has caused, and still not give one care in the world. Yet, it's the complete opposite with my sister. A child should never have to question a mother's love or feel like they don't belong in their own home (and family), yet for so long that has been my constant struggle. She has also pretty much brainwashed my younger siblings..so they act just like her. If I try to talk to them, they barely respond, etc. They don't seem to care for me either. I'm almost positive that if she wasn't benefiting from me monetarily, I would have been out a long time ago. That's all she seems to care about (or talk about) when it comes to me, because as far as having a real mother/daughter relationship with me or making our relationship better than what it is...yeah, it's not happening. Sometimes it is just emotionally draining to be in a house full of people, yet still be alone. Definitely trying to stay busy this summer to avoid any issues that could arise and cause chaos. **Summary: Other than not being able to talk to anyone in my household and feeling like I don't belong, everything has been calm (no arguing). Not ideal, but it works for the time being. I have 10 months to go. Definitely trying to make it work because once the semester starts I'll be here even less than I am now. And once I do leave, boy do I plan on going MIA for a while. I'm done trying to make a bad situation good, so from now on unless she tries to make it better, it is what it is.

She did raise us alone. He did help take care of us money wise, but as far as being in my life every single day .. no. He does know how she is so he chooses not to deal with her very much. I haven't really talked to him about it in depth but I'm sure he knows exactly how she is. I do feel confident that if I do have to move out, he would help me pay rent so that is a possibility. He'd let me live with him, but it's a couple hours from my school (and there are no schools near him) so I'd rather stay where I am. So far, I'm trying to keep my distance, stay to myself, etc. I try to work as much as possible so I won't have to stay home all the time. I'm not sure if that will go on for another year though. It seems as though she has a problem with EVERYTHING I say or do and then there's chaos. Literally for no reason at all. I'm use to it, but it's getting to the point where it's kind of old.

Who said my dad abandoned me and I never heard from him again? I'm confused as to where this information is coming from.

I think that assuming that I don't have a father (and he's not in my life) is a bit ignorant because actually I do. Him and my mom are not together .. why? You have to ask them. We talk quite often but I'm confused as to what he has to do with my mom and the way she acts .............. that's what I started this thread for. Not to debate whether I have a father or not or why he left my mom/why she left him. Thanks to everyone else who responded to the thread and gave me advice on the situation I posted about.

It's not really affecting me school wise. Sometimes it can be a distraction during the semester, but I have managed to keep my GPA well above 3.5 so I'll be fine in that area. It affects me emotionally more than anything else. It actually motivates me to do well in school so I can get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible. Thanks to you and everyone else who has taken the time out to help me. I didn't expect to get this much feedback and it has been VERY helpful. I know what steps I need to take. Most importantly I know where to start now. Before posting, I had no idea.

I will check it out. Also, thanks for the links you posted yesterday. They were actually very helpful and definitely hit home. I'll be looking more into it.

She's very manipulative. There's so many stories I could tell and you wouldn't believe it. I honestly feel like once I do leave I really don't care if I have a relationship with her or not. Even if she does change in the future I feel like it'll be a bit awkward for me to have any type of relationship with her because we've never really had one from the start. And I highly doubt I'll have a successful relationship with my siblings either. So far I have decided that I'm going to try to stick it out until graduation. I'm definitely going to try to establish some boundaries and if she doesn't like it then so be it. And if I have to I will leave (and live off of loans .. which I feel like I've been doing the whole time anyways).

Thank you to everyone for the advice and encouraging words!

Wow! That's great. You're absolutely right. Congrats to you!

So if I don't seek help or stand up to my mother ...... that'll make me a bad nurse? Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying but that was my first thought when I initially read that. I absolutely have someone to confide in and talk to while I'm in this situation. I just wanted the opinions of others that may have had experience with it (or knows someone who has). Not many people I know of have had this issue. So while I can talk to them and vent about it, they don't always fully understand.

Thanks all of you who took the time out to share your opinions on my situation. I truly appreciate it.

And I appreciate the advice given by everyone who took the time out to respond because in reality, everything that they have said has been true. It was great and I am taking it all into consideration. I'm hoping you're not coming to this post to start drama. You're being cynical. **And I stated I was a new poster in the very beginning of the original post if you haven't read it.

I actually agree 100% with this.....but I don't think counseling would help. I just think I need to get out of the situation.

So encouraging and nice to hear. You are exactly right. I just don't want to move and end up struggling financially to pay bills. Then I'd have to spend more time on work and less on school .. then just like that it can all go downhill so quickly and I could lose everything I've worked for. I think the only reason I haven't "stood up for myself" is because I feel like I'll be disrespecting her. And for some reason I care more about her feelings than my own. I'd rather suffer than to feel like I'm hurting the person that has taken care of me.