avalon789

This week marks my first month (and my first week on my own) at my new job in a LTC facility and I honestly think I have no idea what I'm doing. I have gone through 7 shifts of orientation on the floor with 4 different preceptors (there was one I actually liked and learned from the most. The rest were meh). It was supposed to be 3 days but I asked my DON if I can have a couple extra days with a certain preceptor and she was able to accommodate me. Now that I will be on my own from now on, I am constantly worried about messing up, not charting well enough or even having enough time to do it, my time management (morning med passes have been killing me), reordering meds, etc.. On every orientation day, I always asked my preceptor if I was on track with my morning med pass (I would start at 630 and my goal would be to finish by 1030). They always said, "Yes, you're doing well and you're getting a little faster." (I hardly believe them. I always end up finishing at 1200 and that's when I start doing 1200-1400 meds. So I'm on my feet doing med passes/bolus feedings until 1400). I'm afraid that I take too much time passing meds that I rarely have the time to do other tasks like checking on my residents (making sure they didn't fall) charting, obtaining consent from residents/responsible parties, following up on medications, reporting to the MD of abnormal labs, taking T.O's, and taking admissions and doing discharge, and etc.. Not to mention the unexpected (we had a code on my last orientation day and I just froze on the spot. I realized how unprepared and useless I felt. I've seen a code in my clinicals as a nursing student but...this time I froze:eek:. Not the greatest thing to do during a code. I realized the unexpected can throw me off my flow and I became a little paranoid. That day, I checked on my residents and asked if they felt any pain or discomfort even doing quick checks on napping residents just to see if they're still breathing. I've read numerous posts about new grads and their LTC experiences and the responses from seasoned LTC nurses. It's somewhat comforting to know that most of you have experienced the same things I've been experiencing and giving the assurance that it does get better. But the big question in my head is....how do I know if I'm on the right track on getting better at being a nurse? Is my constant worrying an advantage or a disadvantage? I can't stop thinking about work. I'm always adjusting the times on my med passes (One day I did it by room number. On another day I did it by who needs insulin/BS readings first) just to see what works efficiently:writing:. This week I'm thinking of doing it by medication (insulin/BS readings, who's on metformin, who's on HTN meds, who needs a bolus feeding, then the rest). I really want to be up to speed with the rest of the nurses on my floor (I work with 2 LPNs and CNA's. I'm the only RN). I know my DON is waiting for me to ask her to transfer me "downstairs" (a.k.a LTAC; where it is more disorganized/chaotic and where they desperately need RNs.). I told her I want to familiarize myself with the flow first and refine my time management skills. I know I'll be able to learn more technical stuff downstairs but I personally feel like I'm not ready for the meantime (perhaps in 2 months I'll be ready). TL;DR: Had a week's worth of orientation on my floor. I'm scared sh**less about messing up and falling behind on my shift everyday. Will my constant worrying be my downfall? How do I know if I'm on the right track to getting better at my job?