snaps

Thank you all so much for the thought out replies. They have truly helped me more than I can explain. I love the white water rafting analogy. Thank you all for renewing my spirit and giving me back some inner strength to make it through.

I landed my "dream" job right out of school. I have been working as a new grad in an ICU unit since June, on my own since mid October. Long story short, the unit is mostly supportive and willing to help or answer my questions but I still feel like I'm drowning. I have had nothing but excellent feedback and great reviews from my preceptors. But I can't catch my breath sometimes at work. I have had nightmares about missing something and killing my patient, then panic attacks until I get to work and see that they are still ok. The ICU is NOT what I envisioned in my "dream", which was basically adrenaline rushes, saving lives, and most of all helping the familes. 90% of my time is spent rushing, trying desperately to catch up on charting , cleaning poop non stop some while our pca that has been there for years, sits on her cell phone and will not help anyone but especially me. I literally don't stop for 12-13 hours. I usually take 10-15 min lunch breaks, just enough time to scarf down food. Then after two days of that, I feel like I have been hit by a truck and have nothing left to give my family. After 3 or 4 days on, I feel so tired and usually depressed that I don't move from my couch for a couple of days . I just feel so sad and down, I don't know how I will go on for another 6-7 months. I really need some encouragement as I know it is too soon to look for a new job :'( *Eta I have personal problems to add in the mix, my Mom is/has been dying slowly from a chronic disease and it is coming to an end very soon. She is actually in the hospital I wotk at and has been for 7 weeks. I am pretty good at compartmentalizing since she has been sick for many years but sometimes IDK maybe it is affecting me more than I think. I refuse to talk about it in depth at work in fear that mgmt or other nurses will talk about me and use it as a reason to say I'm not competent or that it is affecting the quality of my work.

No replayment plan/contract at either one. The only thing the first one wants is an 18 month commitment to stay in MICU/SICU due to how much it costs to train and educate a new nurse to critical care. They did not mention a penalty if I didn't I guess it is more of a good faith thing. Also I verbally accepted the job at the second hospital contingent on background/drug screen. Have not received an offer letter or signed anything yet. Not sure if that matters on how easy it would be to withdraw with no consequences. I definitely want to leave the door open there as these are the only two hospitals in my area. The first hospital gave me the ok to think it over and give them my decision on Monday.

You're right I think my heart is with the first one, I think I just feel guilty since I accepted the job with the second hospital and really like the manager. I just don't want to burn bridges before I get started :/

I would definitely be interested in trauma one day but at this point as long as its's critical care I'm in heaven! The point about an educator is huge. I think my decision is being made here. OMG thank you allnurses!

I like this answer. I think I would lean towards the most rigorous program since I want to be the best I can. Thank you icuRNmaggie!!!!

I am highly motivated!! So would this be a good thing or a bad? My heart and soul is in critical care and I want to be a CCRN as soon as possible.

Yes the first hospital the one that offered me a job second does! . They have way more educational opportunities from what I understand.

Unfortunately no unions in my area yet. . One does have a better matching 401k matching program though no pensions around here either.

Thank you this really helps! The orientation, preceptor time, class time since it is critical care, and nurse to patient ratio are similar in both hospitals but at the first I would have a dedicated "educator" that would start rounding on me from the beginning for the next 6 months. At the first I would be dedicated to the MICU floor; at the second I would have an opportunity to float to neuro and trauma areas. Not sure if that is good or bad honestly. As a newbie I feel like exposure to different floors would be good to see different things but I know that nurses usually don't like to be floated. Also the second hospital is a level 1 trauma center the first is level 2. Also, not sure how much that should play into my decision. I guess my biggest question at this point is-Would magnet status factor into your decision at all? I know it is supposed to mean that the nurses have better satisfaction and resources but I am also aware that things aren't always as they seem in the nursing world. Thank you all for the help, I feel like I am deciding the rest of my life here lol.

Sorry, I should have been more clear. They called and offered me the job at the first hospital, thus my problem :/ Which I know is a great problem to have but I am literally sick over it. Thanks for the reply!

I am a new grad with two offers from the specialty I want to be in. I know a lot of people in different parts of the country would kill for this problem but I live in a growing medical hub city. I interviewed with the hospital I really wanted to work at, it is bigger, is working towards magnet status, seems to have more employee perks, educational opportunities and pays .74 cents more an hour to start. The manager at that interview told me he had several experienced candidates lined up to fill one open position and to not get my hopes up as soon as we sat down to interview, which made things awkward to say the least. I took him at his word and believed I had no chance. I interviewed with the second hospital after two weeks. I landed the job on the spot. This is the hospital I did my clinicals at and I can truly say I like the people and the floor. The hiring manager seemed so nice and I felt like she was a caring person. I have not signed an official offer as it was contingent on my background and drug test. The background check just came back and they are only waiting on me to complete my drug screen. Will I be blacklisted as non rehireable if I back out of the job I accepted. Would the things I wrote about in the first hospital change your decision? Should I stick with job I accepted because of the people even though it pays a little less? I really need advice from experienced nurses. As a new nurse I am so confused and do not want to make the wrong decision! Thanks to anyone who read all of this :)