MacBasics

Hey guys, I am a male nurse in my late 20s. I used to work as an allied health professional for about 8 years, wasn't entirely satisfied with my career choice, and decided to make the jump to nursing. I am seriously starting to reconsider my decision. My first job as an RN was in ER. I lasted 9 days. I just couldn't handle the stress and the harassment/verbal violence from patients & their families. Not to mention that the unit was crazy busy all the time and that most new nurses didn't take their breaks. My second job was on an orthopaedic floor. I found the job itself to be terrible. 6 patients assigned to you on any shift, with only 1 aid for 34 beds to help. 75% of the work was very basic care (passing bedpans, changing diapers, getting patients out of bed, etc...). Expectations for us from management were set quite high, however, our ressources appeared to diminish day-by-day. Despite the fact that the job sucked, I actually liked my team a lot. They were young, motivated and full of life. I ended up leaving after 1 year because I couldn't stand the work anymore, and my back was killing me. My 3rd job was in a med-surg ICU. At first, during the training and the orientation, I was very stressed and insecure (but who wouldn't be, right?). However, as time continued, I never felt like I was becoming any more competent at what I was doing. I felt ill-prepared for emergency situations. I also found that the team was very divided, there are quite a few cliques. Therefore, I couldn't rely 100% on all my co-workers for help. I continued to work under these circumstances for several months, months in which I have encountered some very difficult and traumatic situations. On several occasions, I have left the workplace feeling extremely upset at the fact that I wasn't able to perform and deliver the way I should have My health situation started to worsen in November of 2014. At this point, I started to suffer from Insomnia. I went to see my GP, he prescribed me some medications, and I returned to work. I kept working in ICU up until the month of January. After 2-3 weeks of terrible patient assignments, I eventually cracked and had a nervous breakdown. I went to my car in the parking lot and cried for an hour. I drove myself home that night, and I don't remember exactly how I got back home. So now I am off work, I am seeing a counsellor, I am being medicated, I am doing everything that I can to get better. But I still cannot see myself returning to ICU at this time. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever be able to go work in a hospital ever again. I have a great deal of difficult pin-pointing exactly "what went wrong". In my previous career as an allied-health professional, I have dealt with extremely stressful situation, and yet, I have managed to do that for 8 years. How could I have done a burnout after only 2 yrs of nursing. Is it me or is the job?