mara.bug

And I've also had nurses tell me to quit. I've heard very few nurses say they actually like their job. I had one nurse tell me there's too much "bureaucracy" and paperwork and you can't do your job like you should be able to.

No nothing is necessarily dwindling my confidence, I just don't like the field. I like the mental aspect of healthcare more than the physical. I love knowing why people act and think the way that they do and want to be able to counsel them through mental illness. It does make it a lot harder that I'm terrified to do any of the schools. I nearly had a panic attack giving an injection the other day. It just isn't worth it to me. Thank you for your words of encouragement!

I don't think we have the LOA option. ): I've never heard of it. And even still, I've thought about whether I want to continue since I started and I really don't.

I had thought about doing psychiatric nursing, but I don't like nursing period. I don't like the thought of simply passing meds and charting all day. I want to get my PhD in psychology and counsel people in a one on one setting and help them through their troubles. I've been through my behavioral health nursing class and did my rotations and didn't like it. Plus, nursing school is making me so incredibly miserable that it's affecting my life. I'm ten times more anxious, panicky, and depressed than I ever was before I started. Plus, I've discovered that I have a ridiculous fear of giving shots, starting IVs, catheters - ALL the skills a nurse is supposed to perform. I know how ridiculous that sounds, like why didn't I think about that beforehand? I did, but I didn't think it would bother me like it does. And even if I found a nursing job where all of that isn't necessary, I do have to do it in clinical and I'm just not comfortable with it at all.

This is a long story, but I'll try to condense it as much as possible. I'm a nineteen year old female, currently in my third semester of a four semester program. I'm supposed to graduate in December. Psychology has always been my passion, but I was discouraged from pursuing it by those saying it's hard to get a job in and you have to have so much education for it and yadda yadda, so I strayed away. Now, I can't really tell you what brought me to my decision to start nursing school to begin with. I'd had a slight interest in the medical field for most of my life, but nursing didn't come to mind until about a year before I started the program. My cousin was doing it and I knew it only took two years and I'd be making good money, plus I liked helping people. So I started busting my behind to get the grades, got my prerequisites out of the way and came out with 92 admission points. The semester I was accepted into let everyone with 76+ in. When I got my acceptance letter, I found I wasn't as excited as I felt like I should've been. It was just kind of like "awesome, I got accepted", but whatever. I went to the orientation, got everything set up and was ready. The semester before the program, I was sitting in my nurse assistant class, texting my cousin "I don't think this is what I want." She said I could still drop out of the program, but I was like "I've worked so hard to get in and maybe it won't be as bad once I start". First semester: wasn't too bad. I failed two of five tests, stressed myself out hardcore, had a mental breakdown doing paperwork the night before my first clinical, but I pushed on. Second semester: even better, failed nothing, did good in clinical, but began really feeling miserable. I was always finding myself feeling really regretful that I didn't pursue my passion for psychology, but continued to convince myself it wouldn't be worth it. So again I kept pushing on. Two weeks before third semester starts, I see a girl posting on Facebook about how happy she is to be working towards a career in something she really wanted and I just lost it. I had a full on mental breakdown because I truly realized that this is not what I want to do with the rest of my life. It's not that I'm grossed out by it: I can do aide work and clean up feces, urine, vomit no problem. I'm just truly not interested anymore. My heart is not in this. There are tons of reasons I can tell you why I don't want to do this, but I won't bore you. But I've become increasingly anxious and depressed over the past year in this program and finally had to start on Zoloft because I feel like I can't function anymore. The only real reason I don't want to drop is because I am so far and it'll give me something to fall back on if I do get the degree. But right now, I'm failing both nursing classes with a 64 and a 76 where a 77 is a passing grade. I don't want to stick it out, fail, and have it affect my GPA but I don't want to feel like a failure or disappointment to my family. And as I typed this out, I realize my mind is already made up. I want to withdraw with a W grade, transfer and begin on my psychology degree. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice for me? Sorry for the incredibly long post, I'm just at my wits end and I'm miserable. We've been out for the past week due to snow and I'm DREADING going back and having to go to clinical. Thinking about it just makes me depressed... I've set up an appointment with my advisor, the dean of the program. I guess we'll see how it goes. Thanks everyone.