wishiknew

Hi stdntograd06! Thank you for your response. Your entire second paragraph could have been written by me! I am currently working in a clinic, but I did the third shift floor nurse thing too. I still despise going to work. If I have three days off, on day one I am already stressing about returning to work. I recently applied at Kohls department store,(lol, what a change) as I am getting out of nursing for now (God willing) and hoping to find something I ENJOY doing, even with the huge cut in pay. I will, of course keep my RN license active. I am very concerned about money, especially because I want to do therapy, but I also want to enjoy and have less stress in my life. I hope I'm not trading in one huge set of stressors for another, lol. Take care of yourself and stick with the therapy. I can't WAIT to start mine. I sincerely hope you find peace. I am amazed at the difference you and others who wrote made in the relief I feel of not being alone. Thank you so very much!

Dear Ethicsrn4life, my heart aches for you. The terrible diseases that we have are made 1000 times worse by the way we are treated by others. I think what makes it worse is that we tend to be people pleasers, we want to be liked and accepted, and we try sooo hard to do things right and honest and fair. But that usually isn't the treatment we receive in return when we are in crisis. I now pull away from my friends when I need them most because I'm afraid I'll be to much of a bother. That makes for an awful lot of loneliness, doesn't it? I know EXACTLY how you feel! Sometimes just knowing someone REALLY understand and cares is a tremendous comfort. Even if those people are strangers. I CARE !! Best wishes. I'll be thinking of you:}

I am not even in the same area code as Robin Williams, as I am a nurse. But I CAN tell you that I suffer from chronic severe major depression, and not much makes me feel better than making someone laugh!

Dear LouMauler, only another nurse can understand what you are going through, and I certainly understand. We go into this profession because we care so much, but our caring and sensitive nature sometimes seems to do us in. I once witnessed a doctor give a pain injection to the wrong side of a patient's lumbar area. He said 'you get a two for one', then just carried on with his day. That would have destroyed me. EVERYONE makes mistakes and believe it or not that is what makes us good nurses because you KNOW our conscience will never allow us to repeat the mistake. The problem is, that most of us take it so to heart that it ruins us. Especially those of us with depression and anxiety. It's a conundrum. I, too, am looking for a different type of job because I know I am very intelligent, which is very sad for us because if we worked in an area where people thought it was ok to ask questions, we would rock!!! I was reported, just ONE example, because I hadn't given a B-12 in a few years and I was 99% sure it was IM, not SQ, so I asked another nurse to be certain and she reported me to my supervisor. Hang in there, and like everyone says, see a therapist, because alone we can't see the forest thru the trees. Do what is best for YOU. But never forget what a caring and special person you are. Best of luck. I keep all nurses in my prayers.

Thank you for your support VivaLasViejas, and you most certainly have mine. I received a phone call from the psychologist today (the one I cannot get back into for 5 weeks) and from the testing, my dx were chronic depression, major depressive d/o, moderate to severe anxiety, and ptsd. No surprise to me, but what to do when you can't get an appt? As GrumpyRN so perfectly pointed out "And the problem with the American Health Service in a nutshell". I have applied for disability twice and was denied. That wouldn't have really helped anyways as you must be on disability for one year before you can receive health ins. benefits, and I still have two children on my policy. A private policy costs upwards of $800.00/mo with $8000 to $10,000 deductibles. It feels like a hopeless situation, no? I sincerely wish you the very best, and I surely wish you much better luck with the disability(if you so choose) than I had. Godspeed.

Jaywalker, I have wondered that myself as I did not feel this way until about the past 5 years, and I've never taken hormones. Thank you.

Thank you, LadyFree28. I will do that. Family and friends cannot totally relate.

.....the comment about 'bring the bat'!

LOVE it!!!!!

I have wondered that myself, as I have not always felt this way.

Thank you, UpennRN, for taking the time to respond. It is with me, as it sounds like it is with you, they're minor, minor things that other RN's, myself included, would simply and KINDLY show the person the correct way. We're human. That's how we learn. It has taken A LOT of self talk to get through this torture as I know I'm a good nurse, as I am sure you are. I guess some people love to spread their misery around. Very best of luck to you. I'll be rooting you on!

I've been an RN for ten years, am 55 years old, and have worked in various types of jobs. I have always suffered from anxiety, depression, low self esteem. I have been a part time clinic float for one year, with a two month fmla a few months ago. For some reason, I keep making stupid mistakes at work, have much difficulty concentrating, and cannot remember things. I am so afraid to go to work now. I am on a sort of 'probation' now, working along side another nurse. I am so afraid of not remembering how to do something or making a mistake that I feel as if it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I need my health ins., but the anxiety is killing me. Just started counseling, but next appt it's 5 weeks away. I just want to quit now cuz I can't take the anxiety and depression, and stress anymore. Anyone out there with this problem?