ZBianca

Thank you both for the encouragement. I will be the first to admit that I wanted to start slowly, but that wasn't from a lack of confidence, it was more a case of being over cautious. On my first day I was presented with patients with such severe post acute disabilities due to trauma that many will never fully recover. I didn't want to drop anyone, I had never seen some of the equipment they use on the ward and I had no idea how to use their hoist. For example, no one explained which positions to use for the harness and by the time I asked the OT the nurses had already formed their opinion. As far as my facilitator is concerned, she passed me and was good that way, but her comments in my logbook only reflect what the nurses on my first ward said about me. We would only see her fleetingly during the day, she would come in during the day to see how we were going then we would meet for an afternoon debriefing. If my performance was so poor during the day or week, I would have expected that the issue be bought up and addressed. It wasn't. No one said anything until the following Monday morning, when I was already another ward. Also, my facilitator based her logbook review of me on my first week's performance rather than the full two weeks, which I think is completely unfair because two nurses, whom I have never met before in my life, complemented me on my nursing abilities and high level of confidence. Wow, funny thing is I didn't change a thing and you might conclude that after a week my confidence levels were higher and I would agree, but I don't think that was the case. It was more a branding. The nurses on the second ward were simply seeing me do my job without a predetermined filter. Unfortunately, the damage was done. My logbook, at the hand of my facilitator, now states that I can't accept criticism. My issue is that I was accused of not being on the ward for 2 hours without leave and not performing my duties. That is not a criticism. A criticism is stating to someone that they have made an error and should correct it, an accusation is telling someone that they have done something that they should not have done. I defended myself of the accusation by explaining my position to my facilitator in a clear but non argumentative manner. I was really really surprised at the accusations made against me as I had no idea what the nurses thought of me, even when they accepted my parting gift with a smile!!!! I was literally blown away. If that is not being able to accept criticism, then so be it, I can't accept criticism. Now its official. Anyway, next week I'm in a new hospital and a new ward. I'll take your advise and keep you posted. Thanks!

Hi everyone. This is my first post on any nursing forum ever and its not a happy one. I'm a first year nursing student and last week I completed my first week of clinical placement in a Rehabilitation Unit. The patients on the ward I was on are severely brain damaged and have multiple issues, including feeding, ambulation and personal hygiene as you might imagine. On orientation were assigned an AIN or an Assistant in Nursing whom was supposed to coach us over the week. I felt confident and looked forward to the experience, but I soon felt pressured to perform at a level well above my comfort zone. I am a mature age student, over 50, and all of this was new to me. I needed time to understand how to transfer patients from bed to chair using belts, trolleys and hoists, understand the idiosyncrasies and needs of each patient and to act in manner that ensured safety to all. To be honest, as this was my first ever clinical placement, I didn't feel comfortable showering those patients on the first day, but I was learning and gaining experience. Nevertheless, my facilitator walked in on us on the first day, that is the AIN and myself and asked how I was doing, to which the AIN replied "lacks confidence", which I considered unfair. At that point I was less than 2 hours into my placement and I was branded for life. The label stuck. Even though I subsequently performed my duties within my scope and abilities, it was never quite enough. As it turned out though, I was happy with my experience and enjoyed my time there having learnt many new skills. In fact, I even bought the nursing staff a departing gift and thanked them for their assistance and direction. However, on the morning of my second week, whilst on another ward, I was approached by my facilitator whom said that I had received a bad review from the ward nurse for my first week. I was shattered, to say the least. My impression was that I was doing fine, to the point that I was considering applying there for a job in my graduate year. During the week, no one complained about my performance, no one took me aside and lectured me about having messed up. Yet, here I was standing in front of my facilitator being told that I didn't attend to my duties and that I went missing from the ward for 2 hours on one occasion without explanation. The truth is that the duty that I supposedly didn't perform was refused by the patient (whom was well within his rights to do so). Also, we were always told by our college that on the wards we were there to learn, not replace staff, so when the patient refused to shower and the AIN (temporary staff, not my original AIN) suggested he be sponged, another student walked into the room and began assisting her I volunteered to make the bed instead and I wrote this up in the patient's notes. As for being away from the ward without leave, that would be very difficult if you consider that I took a patient to orthoptics, incidentally on the same ward, stayed with him until the consultation was over, bought him back to his room and then attended the weekly case management meeting, which included the medical personnel, all of allied health, some nursing staff, my student colleague and the director of nursing for that ward. So, how that is meant to be an unjustified absence is beyond me, nevertheless the following Monday morning I was reported to my facilitator as being absent (even though I sat next to and spoke to the director of nursing). In fact, on my last day of my first week when I asked permission to briefly leave the ward (to purchase the nursing staff that gift I mentioned) the duty nurse simply answered "yeah, whatever", seemingly unconcerned about my actions. In any case, due to the early morning routine, the afternoons were fairly quiet and I found most of the nursing staff either chatting or playing computer games at there station. On the other hand, I used the down time to follow patients to their consultations and even attended a ward round with the physicians, activities encouraged by my university. I feel that I have lost face with my facilitator, whom says that she believes me although I still sense some doubt, despite the fact that I can establish my whereabouts at all times. I feel totally ashamed of my review even though I know I did nothing wrong and at my advanced age I started questioning why I wanted to put myself through all of this. What should I do. Any advice would be welcomed.