peds_oncoRN

Hi all! As the title suggests, I am a new pediatric oncology RN, just graduated in the fall, and have been on my floor at one of the top children's hospitals in the country for about 6 months. As time is flying by, I'm gaining so much experience, and also making mistakes. I'm having a hard time dealing with my slip-ups, as our patient population is fragile and precious, and I feel SO responsible for my patients' well-being, always. Last month I had a pt receiving an investigational therapy that can cause severe inflammatory responses, and often does. I had her overnight, and she ended up needing a higher level of care and was transferred to the ICU halfway through the night. Upon review of the event, some experienced nurses seemed to have believed her stability compromise could have been caught earlier with some subtle changes in VS. Hearing this I felt so inadequate, and almost at fault for what happened. She was swiftly treated in the ICU and ended up coming back to the floor the same day but the feeling of guilt for not intervening sooner still has not left me. This past week, I contaminated a central line. I hooked a patient's lines that had been used for his white lumen onto his yellow. He had no pending cultures and no s/sx of BSI, but the mistake is so avoidable and has the potential to cause such great harm that I can't stop kicking myself. The other nurses on my floor are so helpful and supportive, and their feedback is always positive, explaining that mistakes happen, even to experienced nurses. I just can't get past the feeling of personal responsibility and sole fault for these mistakes. To me, making mistakes, no matter how small, feels so unacceptable because these are children, and at that, children with cancer! Anyone have similar feelings/advice/stories? I'm really struggling to bring myself to feel confident in my practice as a novice, and I don't want to be that nurse. I can be a great nurse. I graduated at the top of my class, and I CARE. I care so much, and I try to convince myself that that matters more than anything, but I'm human, how can I practice without making mistakes??