Mischa83

I was recently told by my care manager that I am not fit to practice based on my anxiety attack I had in her office following a disagreement with the head nurse on the unit. The morning shift was very heavy and busy for me - I had 3 patients that were sick out of my 20 patient load (in orthopedic subacute): 1) one patient had an unwitnessed fall and hit his head, not recollecting how he fell, was feverish and very impacted in his bowels requiring disempaction, 2) another patient was exremely nauseated, refusing all her meals and required antiemetic injection, 3) another patient was extremely dizzy, refusing to walk and physio concerned to walk her so needed her vitals done, 4) another patient was going for a follow up apt and needed to be ready for transport and all the NAs were busy with their other patients etc etc. Normally I do my AM rounds as I hand out the anticoagulant injections for the patients to self administer. But due to the unexpected events from my sick patients, I was not able to attend to the anticoagulants first thing. I also came into my shift with a sore throat and made myself a cup of tea to soothe my throat after the three events happened - giving myself some time to decompress and re-prioritize my morning. Keep in mind, that I am a casual graduate nurse that recently graduated in December 2013. I had been working on this subacute unit for nearly 3 years as a Health Care Aide, Undergrad RN and GN, therefore I am very aware of the unit 'routine' and how the facility is run - but I am also still learning new things everyday as every nurse does. When the head nurse (quality improvement nurse) approached me on why I hadnt done my anticoagulants yet and it was already 10:00, I tried to explain how the morning went so she could understand the reason behind the delay. She refused to hear me out and stated that I had to do the injections now before my coffee break. I was agreeable and did the injections. After coffee break, I continued my rounds. I also had two complicated discharges on my side (one patient had no support system to take him home and another patient had an abusive family to go home to). The head nurse approached me again and asked why I hadnt started a fall protocol on the patient who fell yet. I told her that I took his vitals and did the assessment but hadnt got to the protocol charting yet. I realized that yes I did make a mistake in not making the fall protocol my prirority over my other patients. But again I was trying to explain my morning to the head nurse and ask if she would please listen to how I prioritized my morning so she could give me feedback and I could improve. She instead questioned my nursing assessments as I had not charted them yet so there was no proof of what I had done. I tried to explain to her that after all my interventions were done I was going to chart. I got overwhelmed at this point and told her I have anxiety issues, please give me some time to decompress. I said I needed to go off the unit to refresh. I then went into the care managers office in tears explaining the situation. I told her that I felt I was giving good patient care but apparently to the head nurse and the other RN on staff, I was not proritizing my patient needs and unit routines as well as not managing my time effectively. I explained that 'rountines' only work when none of the patients are sick. There will be times when unexpected events throw you off routine or plan. I made the mistake of telling the care manager that I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar by my psychiatrist. I had a very tough year of highs and lows and I've been having panic attacks and smaller anxiety attacks the last couple weeks as I transition through this new label. I then proceeded to have a small anxiety attack in her office. She told me to go for a lunch break and when I come back she will have thought of what to do. When I returned, she told me that her professional opinion is that I was unfit to practice as a nurse at this point and that she cancelled all of my shifts and told me to consider going on Unemployment Insurance until I was medically cleared by my psychiatrist. She then sent me home early from my shift. I am so shocked at how fast this all transpired and now my career feels upside down as I'm not sure what to do - should I even be a Registered Nurse? I still have to pay off my student debt so I can't afford to take a bunch of time off and as a casual I don't think I am applicable for EI benefits. I also work at the UofA hospital so I'm not sure if I should continue with those shifts since my manager's opinion is that I am emotionally unstable to safely care for patients. I feel like my story is so misconstrued and misunderstood so now I am labelled as a sick person who cannot safely care for others in my profession. So now I become the mental health patient? I thought mental health was not supposed to be stigmatized in our profession - the very profession who helps these type of patients. I feel so lost now. The Union just called me and I told them my story and they offered to help me. But it would be nice to hear some opinions/advice from fellow nurses on what I should do. I am seeing a psychiatrist this week so I will update him on this event. Please tell me what you think I should do. Kind thanks, Mischa