NeverGivingUp

My tutor was just in it for the money. Looking back now, i did not learn anything from her. When i would meet with her, she would just expect me to know everything and then give me the worst looks when i would ask her a question. If i knew everything, clearly i wouldn't have needed her help to begin with. I firmly believe that not everyone is made out to be a teacher, and she clearly was just one of those people and just wanted my check. As far as going back to my school, well.. they've been a complete joke. Ive BEGGED for help from them and haven't received any. It was like once they realized i failed the first time and that i wasn't going to help their pass rate, they could care less about me. I was apart of a brand new BSN program, so their pass rate meant A LOT to them. Ive gone to the director of the program and all i got in return was, well you just need to study harder. Really? I was stunned at the response i got. I obviously know how to study or i wouldnt have graduated to begin with. Clearly I'm lacking in some areas, and it would be wonderful if my teachers would be willing to fill those gaps, but they honestly could care less.

I graduated in May 2013 with my BSN with Honors and was required to do ATI throughout nursing school in order to pass the course and had to pass the comprehensive exam in order to graduate and a week after graduation I took Kaplan and did all of the qbanks and received that grade I was supposed to get that was supposed to be a good predictor on whether or not you would pass NCLEX and tested in early june. I received 121 questions. Retook the kaplan test and spoke with my instructor about nclex after class. She told me she had no doubt in her mind, based off of my answers during class, that i would pass NCLEX. I studied all of my notes from school and read saunders and did all the questions in that book as well as studied with a tutor. Took the test Aug 20, received all 265 questions and failed. After crying for about a week, I finally picked myself back up and started studying again. I did all the questions with NCLEX RN Mastery and worked with a different tutor until she told me that I would never pass NCLEX and she didn't know how I ever made it out of nursing school. As if i wasn't discouraged enough already, this just broke my spirit even more. I went home and cried a while and finally started studying again. I studied a few hours everyday. I can't handle studying all day everyday like some do. I feel like I stop retaining information after a certain point. I did every question I had access to and took NCLEX again on Dec 23. Received all 265 questions AGAIN!!!! and still failed. Since the last test, Ive cried, been angry with myself and just about hid from the world for a while. At one point i said ok well maybe ill just get a job doing something else and everywhere I applied I got the same reaction "We don't want you to work as a ___, we want you as an RN. Or why are you applying for this position if you have a bachelors in nursing" Well, 2 things I thought about from those questions are: "Well I haven't been able to pass nclex and i need a job in order to pay for reviews and to pay for NCLEX so i can test again" and "Some days i feel like i am just not cut out to be a nurse and I need a job" I finally said ok enoughs enough. I enrolled in Hurst Online review so that I can watch the lectures over and over again and have filled out all the paper work that went with it and have actually learned a lot of information. I have read over many reviews that I have found online that people have said that has helped them. I know my lab values and know maslow's and erikson's like the back of my hand. I retest Feb 20. I pray every single day that I pass this test and Im not sure how exactly I will be able to pick myself up again if i fail for the 4th time. Some people say well you've tested 3 times already, maybe nursing isn't for you. My thought is I've received 265 twice now, I'm SO close to passing that I can basically taste it. If i wasn't cut out for nursing, why am i so close to passing? Prayers or any words of encouragement or any insight on what I might be doing wrong are much appreciated. please be kind, my spirit is just starting to go up again :)