wmlove

I graduated from nursing school about 6 months ago and have worked on a med/surg floor since. I worked day shift on my 7 week orientation, a few weeks on days by myself, and have been on nights ever since. Don't get me wrong...it is getting easier to survive the shift and sometimes (rarely) I get to leave on time...but I hate my job. I enjoy the patients, even the grumpier ones...but I hate everything else about my job. I got into nursing because I wanted to work with kids, I saw a St. Jude commercial and knew right then that I wanted to work with kids who had cancer. I had no doubts in my mind and wouldn't entertain any other options. I wanted to make people happy when they were at there worst. I went to nursing school and studied hard. I graduated. I started work. Now I cry myself to sleep every night after work. I cry on my way to work. I am absolutely terrified of doing anything wrong and causing somebody harm. The only way I can get anything done is to not talk to my patients, in and out. Make sure they are in no distress, breathing, and are feeling okay. That's not why I got into nursing. I wanted to help people. Not be slaved to a computer, worried about hurting someone so much it makes me sick, crying all the time, being the only one I graduated with who feels like this. I enjoy the people I work with. I enjoy having a job. I enjoy the patients. Those are the only pros I find in this job. Currently, any job that could make these feelings go away would make me so happy. I don't care about anything else besides being happy. I don't care about the pay, I would be happy taking care of people with a lower pay check...I just want to be happy again and not depressed all the time. Any tips on how to work through this? I can't take my mind off it, I've tried different things. I have applied at different jobs but the thought of going to work tomorrow makes me sick. The thought of not knowing if I could get another job for a month or more makes me sick to my stomach. If I could I would quit and not blink an eye. I just want to be happy again and this job is not cutting it, as much as I wish it was. Help me please. Any other jobs that I could use a BSN in? Any tips on how to make my shifts better.