nico2843

Thank you! It happened once....but I had plans to do it again. Not sure what I'm going to do yet but I do know I will NOT let this disease take over again

So ******* stupid!!!!! Why why why did I do what I did??!?!?!? I HATE this disease!!! Here's the (short) story.... Im in MN monitoring program and have been clean for 27 months... until the other week I had this super strong impulse to get high; and I frikkin now better!!! I went through SO much treatment and learned so much and have lots of tools for situations like these but I don't know what happened- I just gave in My husband was looking for the car keys and found benadryl & saline in my purse (I did not take benadryl from work; I buy caps from store). So now what-- he's obviously extremely pissed off, hurt, etc, etc.....along with my mom and rest of my family. I guess my main questions are: can I call my monitoring guy and request that I be tested for Benadryl too (god that sounds so dumb!) or will I be asked a million questions and likely sent to BON???? Another question- if I decided to go back to an outpatient treatment program (my family thinks I need this; I truthfully do not feel I am to that point) do I get reported to BON? (assuming I would b/c I would need a new assessment...) I don't know what to do; hate this **** so much! Currently my plan is: 90 meetings in 90 days, find a new sponsor (I had one but we went our own ways about a year ago) and rework the steps Thoughts. Suggestions. Insight. Such a relief this board is here....thank you

Im so lost on what to do. I'll try to make this short: couple years ago I was abusing opiates (stealing form work but never caught, no suspicion- nothing). Took leave of absence put myself in treatment & then changed jobs (no access to narcs). But of course that didn't solve everything...I had a relapse & decided to go on methadone. Currently been on it for almost 7 months. I want off it & want to go to in patient detox to do so. (side note- I just came back from maternity leave 2 months ago) I want to ask for a leave but afraid I wont get it because I just got back. Also do not know what to say as to why I need the time off. Any thoughts/ suggestions? Also- anyone come off methadone before? did you taper slow? TIA