lost_nurse

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and I am not used to posting my personal situations out in public, but i really would like some outside perspective. Over year ago, I graduated from a BSN nursing program. I failed a few courses and only managed to graduate as B- student. I believe my undiagnosed bipolar II symptoms, self-cutting, binge and purge habits greatly worsen during nursing school. I doubted my abilities and passionate during the last 4 semesters. However, I told myself that everyone struggles and has their doubts during nursing school. I just needed to stay strong and get through it. So I did just that. I graduated and passed my boards on my first attempt. I spent 10 long months job searching in an over-saturated nursing market. My bipolar II symptoms were still present during these 10 months. However, my self-mutilation were kept to a minimum because I was living with family and friends. Finally, I found a job out of my home state. I had no family or friends there, and i would be living on my own. I accepted the job during my hypomanic state, I believe. I thought it would be an excellent opportunity for my career. Also, I could prove how much of an independent person I was. I completely forgot about my horrible coping habbits. I tried to stay upbeat in my new home and job. Eventually, I broke down. I couldn't focus at my new job and was making the smallest mistakes. I dread going to work and I constantly felt nausea. I was binging and purging almost daily. In less than 3 weeks, I lost about 8-10 pounds. Eventually, I started to cut again and told myself that I NEEDED HELP. I was afraid of unintentionally cutting too deep and that no one would find me. I told my family and flew back home. I visited my pcp and was referred to a psychiatrist. I was newly diagnosed with hypomanic bipolar II. I was recommended to return home, if I could financially. My family was more than willing to take me back because they had concerns about my safety. I thought asking for help would relieve some of my stress, but I am starting to truly regret my decision. I felt as if I should have tough it out and got my 1-2 year experience and moved back home. I should have just learnt to deal with my stress. Asking for help has only added to my family's stress. In addition, I most likely ruined my career, as most of my family members keep reminding me. Although I was prescribed medication, I refuse to take them.. My family doesn't really believe in mental illness because everyone has their "ups and downs". I don't want to go back my my psychiatrist and take meds. I don't legitimately want to be diagnosed with a mental illness. The stigma that goes with mental illness can really cripple my career and life. Also, I feel like some psychiatrist try to diagnosis people with random disorders just to make an extra buck. However, through nursing school, I also feel mental illness is a real problem. I am in such a limbo. So anyone with advice as to what I should do with my career? should I just change career paths (maybe one less stressful and with a more open market)? What do i tell my next potential employer about my early termination? Also anyone with advice on how I can deal with my inability to cope with stress? Preferable without medication and constant therapy?