throughaglassdarkly

Hi all :) I am a new grad RN just beginning my RN residency as an SICU RN. I was a good student and I hope to become an exceptional ICU nurse. I greatly enjoy my unit, my managers - who have been so very positive and supportive - and my RN residency program (though it has a great deal of learning involved, understandably). However, I am feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, down on myself, and honestly, I am intimidated by my preceptor. She is an exceptional nurse and constantly corrects me in all things big and small - from the right way to spray cleanser on a wash cloth when cleaning a urethra with a foley to managing an Art line. I entirely respect her experience and she always has un-arguable insight and correction, however I have become so intimidated and frustrated with my self for her mulititude of corrections. By this point I feel as if I can't breath without it being incorrect, but I know I need to overcome my timidity and insecurity to prove myself to her and to be a good nurse. Adding to it, my desire to do better sometimes leads me become nervous and lose my train of thought - for example I will remember that we must zero the Art line with our morning comprehensive assessment but then forget to mention that a moment later because I am trying to keep track of everything and not let her down. I have tried to speak with her and have honest heart to heart conversations, but both times I ended up just voicing my concerns about the amount of little errors I make - which she says is understandable for a new grad in the ICU. Overall, I feel I connect the dots at a new grad level regarding vitals and changes in them/ how these correlate to the meds & drips/and other physiologic changes and effects. I do my very best to practice safe care - always monitoring I&O, vitals, patient changes, and med administration. Of course I am nowhere near perfect - I make many little mistakes and I need to learn how to discuss the bigger picture with Doctors and make moment by moment calls on how to adjust my drips in conjunction with the pt's changes in status (i.e. learn not to jump the gun too soon in my decision to address changes in vital signs). I guess what I am trying to figure out is: is it normal to be intimidated by your preceptor, to feel flawed and inadequate much of the time, and do you have any advice for managing these issues and growing into an good new graduate RN. I was good in nursing school but none of that matters now - all that matters is that I am worthy of this position & my patients and succeed. But how do I get over the anxiety and my stress I feel when I am with my preceptor and my own self-doubt? I want very much to succeed in this wonderful opportunity, to make my preceptor happy, to not fail out of this program, and most importantly, become a competent ICU nurse that provides exceptional care to my patients. Any advice and thoughts are greatly appreciated!! :)