AndyPantsRN

The best way I've thought of to explain it is - what if your dad died in a tragic ice cream accident and you worked at Cold Stone Creamery? Silly, I know. But you'd be constantly reminded of what happened all day long - it's not a matter of getting over it or not. It's like a band aid ripping open the wound every day. I just went through the last 20 pages in the OR board and am even more convinced now that OR may not be for me. But I don't know where else to look...

I've only been a nurse for two years - the last eight months or so on an ortho unit which I've loved. Last June my dad went in for a liver resection and was in the SICU for three months before he passed away. I've found that its been REALLY hard doing pt care because everything reminds me of him. And not in a good rose-tinted childhood memory way. Almost everything I do, I wonder - did someone do this for him? I'm just obsessing over his last three months. The worst has been - there's been an ETOHer here for 1.5 months with Wernicke-Korsakoff and every time I come in and see he's still here, I get a feeling of "what is HE still doing here?!?" and I think about how many nurses must have thought that about my dad. So now I'm wondering if I should transfer to a unit where I don't have as much direct pt contact to bring up these thoughts and my first idea was the OR. But now I'm second guessing that and worrying it will be too boring. The problem is I've been told I'm very good with my patients. So do I do what I'm good at and what people need me for but what is very emotionally hard for me or do I move to something more detatched and clinical? And what can I expect from OR nursing? Is there a lot of variety? Are you really a slave to the surgeon? Sorry to dump for a first post. I have an interview next week for an OR position and I really need advice before I go into it. Thank you for any help or advice you can throw my way. Thanks, Andy