StuckInTheMiddle

Hi everyone. I wasn't able to figure out how to delete my account yesterday so I finished up some errands I had since I'm off the rest of the week and thought I'd take a second look to see if I could figure it out. I had intended to go in under the radar. I see some more of you responded to my posts for which I'm grateful. I also see I generated a lot of disdain by some of you towards me. That's ok. I understand that, and clearly we're all entitled to our opinions. I walked in, vented, told you I didn't like being a nurse, and I sem-trampled perhaps on a profession dear to most of you. I thought I'd clear up some things because this seems to have become a popular topic. I mentioned I wasn't sure why I quit my previous career. I'm still not honestly, and if I had a reason well over time that reason has become transparent to me. I miss what I had. I can't go back because it'd be virtually impossible to have the position and rank, if you will, that I had. Sometimes you just can't go home again. Did I think I'd have to feign an interest in nursing from the outset? No. I thought I'd enjoy it, and there are elements to it, that are tolerable, i.e., ok, but the stuff I don't like overshadows that. My only experience with having nurses work on me is them asking some questions, taking a few notes, explaining a course of treatment, and passing some meds to me. I like to research what I'm up against so before embarking on nursing I did some research, looked at some syllabi from many nursing schools, looked over some nursing books, and felt like I knew enough to make an informed decision. Someone mentioned nursing and technical knowledge, and that was a major attraction for me. I find many of my coworkers and subordinates don't tend to draw on much of what was in the textbooks though. The syllabi, nursing school websites, and texts that I read touted science and management more than warm and fuzzy so I was able to identify with that. What I didn't know was the unwritten things that I've since become witness to, particularly as a charge nurse, and I don't like it. It's simply not me. Because I had a BSN and experience managing people and resources, which I got good evaluations with so I'm not entirely bad or anti-people as my posts and some of the replies made me out to be, I was appointed charge nurse of my unit once I was done with new hire training. Literally I went from the new guy, being trained, to a new shift, and told I was in charge. Good, bad, it's what I got. I see a few of you working nurses share a similar sentiment and maybe a few future nurses see a perspective not shared in the classroom. I'm all for realism and wake up calls even if you have to be hit with a pipe to achieve it. My post was a gloves off approach, and I told you exactly how I feel much of the time when I'm at work because I am not a nurturer. I feel (and know) there are some others I work with who bottle these feelings, but most people aren't willing to share their true feelings, and I did here. In summation, I'm sorry if I caused any ill feelings, stress, or lost sleep amongst you. For those of you with constructive criticism and/or suggestions - my sincerest thanks. For all of you, I wish you happy careers doing what you obviously love to be doing. I envy that you're happy with it.

Thanks for all the replies. I'm going to sign off now and probably delete the account if I can figure out how. I'd like to expound on some of my statements and answer some of your questions, but....OpSec.

To a T!

Thank you, Doe. Your thoughts are similar to mine, and that's how I've managed to make it this far. I took a recent vacation, came back to work, and was immediately flooded by how much I can't stand it. Having it off of my responsibility list for a while was a Godsend. Now, that I'm back at it though instead of being rejuvenated I feel even more soured. But each day is another day of pay and a step closer to this chapter of my life.

You know the odd thing is that I'm actually personable. I'm just not patient. I can make patients fall out laughing and get them to talk about anything. I don't mind talking either, but when there's other stuff to do my lack of patience prevents it then I don't give them the time of day. The caveat here is when there are patients that become needy or repetitioius I start to feel angry. I value independence and when people can't be that, even by no fault of their own, I again lose my patience. Military....can't talk about that area. Urgent care....could probably do it. Never heard of such a place in real life though.

Initially I thought I would inherently gravitate if not be placed in this field. However, after being asked to "go after" ER openings I have chosen not to. Anonymity prevents me from explaining why. I'll add though that I've worked some in the ER within my employing hospital, and to me it's not that crazy. What most of the coworkers consider chaotic or troublesome isn't exciting for me. Excitement for me involves another level incapable of being found in a hospital.

I understand your feelings. First, I don't think there's anything necessarily "glorified" about the role of NP. It's just something with a different operational focus. Second, the NPs I've rotated with for school do the same things the physicians do - listen to the patient, diagnose, and prescribe a treatment regimen. Are they bad? Probably not because they stay booked up. Right now I do have a dislike of patients. I hate inpatient. I really do. There's so much going on that I'm so entirely sick of seeing; incontinence both site and smell, having to yell to be heard, constant coughing and puking, and people wanting things totally irrelevant to their health when they use the "call button." That's the point of is. It's not inside me to want to do anything about any of this. I'm ok with explaining people's diseases and their treatment process. A lot of my coworkers shy away from that, and other than assessing them, which I don't mind doing, these are about the only elements of the job that don't make me go crazy having to do it. That's just how I feel.

Hi. I've got to vent here, since I have no "friends" that are nurses, and I want the input of some perhaps unbiased individuals. I'm a mid-30s male career changer. I left a career I had for a decade (not sure why actually) and got a second bachelor's to be a nurse. My previous employment involved traits remarkably different than those that the profession of nursing wants to embody involving command, pointed direction, and disregard for feelings of others. Sure, I've cranked out many reports, position papers, and documents pertaining to administration so the paperwork end of nursing isn't the issue. I'm ok with that. I actually deleted three paragraphs stating specifically what don't like, but I decided to filter it for all of you as after reading it most of you would probably be up in arms against me. Without revealing any other information about myself I am actually in a practitioner program to become a NP. I thought perhaps I might find fulfillment there since patient interaction is short and to the point, and the purpose is to provide treatment which I thought I was going to do when I went for that second degree in nursing. I still may like it. I'm halfway there at this point so I'm going to press forward, and I understand that many of you might object to this. I need to find other work for now though. I am absolutely on the edge, dread going to work, and even more so I hate actually doing the work. The neediness of patients infuriates me. I can't go back to where I was, and I hate myself for thinking I could feign an interest in this field.