Socrates12358

I agree that I do need help but I can't afford a therapist without insurance. My 90 days will be 2/21 and then my insurance will kick in. So not too much longer. My mom is my life saver and I can talk to her about all of this and she supports and encourages me. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything and I honestly hate working. I support my family of 4 since my SO has many health problems. I feel so stressed and anxious I just want to hide in my bed. Once I get to work I'm usually okay after a few hours.

I'm currently taking lamictal, lexapro and Ativan. Was taking latuda as well but had to stop when insurance did and actually feel a little better off of it. I do have a psychiatrist and he's great. I'm just tired of living with this anxiety and feelings of impending doom. I'm almost normal when not working. Work consumes my thoughts when I'm there or not. I'm sick of this anxiety and work dread. I just want to be 'normal'.

I've been working as a RN for almost 5 years. I've always been plagued with anxiety and depression but it has multiplied with this profession. Last year I tested positive for THC and lost my job. I've been put on a one year probation which makes it hard to find jobs and restricted from hospice and home health. I ended up getting another job in LTC on night shift. The job isn't bad or nearly as stressful as others I've had, especially on days. However, my anxiety is still awful. I'm on two antidepressants and take Ativan and it doesn't seem to help. I am constantly anxious in my days off worrying and dreading about going back to work. One night at work my heart rate went up to 146 and felt light headed. After an Ativan I got my heart rate down to 105. I am the sole provider for my family. If not I swear I would just get an easy minimum wage job. I feel close to tears at all times anymore. My only anxiety is mostly due to work. I pray beg and plead with god before I go in for a shift. If there's an admission I panic. My dementia and behavioral patients cause my anxiety to sky rocket. My new insurance hasn't kicked in yet but when it does I'm going to schedule something with a therapist. Does anyone else deal with this? How do you manage and continue on? Will it ever get better? I was diagnosed with bipolar and GAD.

I've been an RN for over a year now. My first job was in a nursing home on night shift working two units, a LTC and a Ortho rehab. I would have between 20-35 patients usually. I loved my LTC patients, but was frustrated with the frequent call offs of STNAs and other nurses. After about 8 months I got a job offer to work in the ICU at a Cleveland Clinic hospital and thought it was a great opportunity so I took it. What a mistake! Its been over 3 months and I absolutely hate working in the ICU and possibly in a hopsital all together. I spoke with my manager about how I felt about ICU and they are willing to let me transfer to a MedSurge floor. Tomorrow I am going to go shadow on the unit and if I decide I like it they will let me transfer to MedSurge. It will be night shift and I would have anywhere between 6-10 patients usually. Its about 30 miles from my house and it takes me anywhere between 30-50 minutes to get there depending on traffic. In the Ohio winter months it may take much longer. On the flip side, before I spoke with my manager I had been applying to more nursing homes close to my house. I interviewed with a facility that is 3 miles from my house for a day shift position on their skilled nursing unit. They seemed very interested in me and sent me immediately to go get my drug screen and physical. That was 2 days ago. I'm waiting to hear back from them regarding this position. But right now I'm completely confused on which one I should go for and afraid of making the wrong decision. My husband is disabled and we have two kids so I am the one that pays ALL of our bills. I dont know yet what the pay and benefits will be like at the skilled nursing facility, but she did tell me that I would make AT LEAST what I am making right now. The Cleveland Clinic gives me a pension plan and a 401K that they match pretty generously and after a year they will also give me tuition reimbursement. But I am miserable at the hospital, but I dont know if thats because I just can't stand ICU, or if its just the hospital environment in general. What I do know is that I HATE the long commute. I leave our house around 6am right now and do not get home until after 8pm. When I work nights the commute coming home in the morning is even worse and do not get home until closer to 8:30am. This skilled nursing facility takes me about 5 minutes to get to. I wouldnt be losing any of my skills either because they take trachs and PICCs and so forth. Also, I was told in the interview that they have changed a few things there. For example, she said that I will have an LPN that is responsible for the main med passess so myself, as the RN, can focus on doing skilled assessments and charting them, doing IV and IV pushes, and talking with doctors. I know someone who used to work there and liked it, and she only left because at the time they did not have any full time openings so she was PRN. I am really confused as to which one to pick. I'm afraid of leaving the Cleveland Clinic and throwing away the experience and opportunity of working with a great hospital. Any advice or suggestions to help me make the right decision would be much appreciated. Ive been told that some nurses just do not enjoy working at hospitals and I think that I may be one of them.

I'm finishing my 11th week of a 12 week orientation, and as the time approaches to be working on my own I find myself in a panic. I've been terrified everyday so far during my orientation. The first 10 weeks were on day shift, and that was awful. I am fine with med passes and basic care, vents, etc. Its the bedside procedures, tests, emergency intubations, chest tubes, central line placements that are bothering me the most. This week I have been on night shift which has been SO much better because we dont really do a lot of the tests and procedures at night, only in emergencies. This was making me feel much better until my manager called me the other day to tell me that after my orientation is over with, I have to do a one time 6 week rotation on day shift on my own. I asked her if this was mandatory because I really prefered night shift and she said that this is something new and they will be making all the new grads do a 6 week rotation on days to get the experience with the procedures and so forth, and to also be able to work next to more experienced nurses since most of the people on nights are new. This is also causing some problems because the experienced day shift nurses feel like they have to "babysit" all of the new people and our patients. I am in constant fear during my entire 12 hr shifts. I am constantly worrying about something happening and not knowing what to do. I am getting better in recognizing problems and knowing how to treat them, but the stress of everything is almost unbearable. Ive only broke down once crying at work, but I was able to go into the bathroom and sob for about 5 minutes. After that I felt better. Oh, and I am absolutely terrified of getting admissions. I know they say that you should jump into things that you are afraid of during orientation so that you will know what to do on your own. Well in the last 11 weeks i've only done about 2 admissions so I still really dont know what to do. I dislike the admissions because most of them end up with emergency intubation, chest tubes, central lines, and many drips to titrate. I am constantly making notes on what to do for everything so I can refer back to it when I need a reminder. However, my notes dont cover everything and i'm afraid to start bother other nurses with my questions. And for the life of me I am awful with my lab results. I have to constantly refer to my normal range sheet for hmg, hct, platelets, wbc -etc. I dont know why some of these numbers wont stick in my head. I get so nervous that sometimes its like I just go brain dead. I cant think. I know a lot of people have gone through this and things seem to work their way out for a majority of them. I worked in a nursing home for 9 months before this on night shift, and though I didnt enjoy having 40 pts, at least I didnt live in constant fear that I was going to kill someone or make an awful mistake. How much longer is it going to take for me to at least not feel like crying every second of every day? My stomach is always either nausous or upset, and sometimes it feels like my heart is beating out of my chest. I know I'm rambling on here now, but sometimes I just feel like I am so alone and nobody in my family understands the pressure I feel being a new ICU nurse.

Yes I am in orientation still but only have a few more weeks left. I worked yesterday, with a cold, and it was awful. It was the first time I broke down crying. I've dealt with depression since the 3rd grade and I take Prozac to help.

I've been a nurse for a little over a year. I worked at a nursing home doing LTC and Ortho rehab and after a while I started liking it. Recently I accepted a position at a Cleveland Clinic ICU and after 8 weeks on the floor I realize that I hate it. I suffer with depression and severe anxiety and I'm fighting it off barely. My husband thinks I should stay a year for the experience and the retirement funds but the thought of working one more day there turns my stomach. I'm still scared of the vents and I hate all the bedside procedures. I can't transfer until 1 year. If I go back to a nursing home I'm afraid that there will be no where to move up. My husband is a stay at home dad so we only have my income. I feel trapped.

It's a little better now... I haven't cried in over a week and am able to eat again. The only thing that still bothers me is the lack of support at night if I have a question or run into a problem. I'm fine passing meds and doing treatments... I'm worried about IVs and so forth since I don't have a lot of experience doing them. My doc gave me ambien to help me sleep during the day but I'm too afraid to try it if I have to go back to work that night since it makes me tired for hours after waking up. I'm still only averaging about 4 hrs of sleep during the day. If it wasn't for the support of my family and friends I would have lost my mind already.

Wow we do sound a lot alike, minus the pregnancy of course. I'm glad to hear its getting better for you. I start on my own tonight and I'm pretty nervous. Luckily there are a few other nurses in the building, I would probably hyperventilate if I was completely alone. I was fortunate and got a decent amount of orientation. I love talking to new nurses and sharing experiences, concerns, etc.

Glad to hear that your confidence is improving, that's definitely a problem of mine. I'm trying to stick it out. I actually like the place I'm working at and the people. I find night shift to be much less hectic, I just need to be able to sleep during the day.

Wow we do sound a lot alike, minus the pregnancy of course. I'm glad to hear its getting better for you. I start on my own tonight and I'm pretty nervous. Luckily there are a few other nurses in the building, I would probably hyperventilate if I was completely alone. I was fortunate and got a decent amount of orientation. I love talking to new nurses and sharing experiences, concerns, etc.

I've had a few weeks of orientation but I'm starting on my own tonight. I work at a LTC facility and also have a hall of ortho rehab patients. Census is slightly low so I'll only have around 21 pts. I'm so scared and nervous. Part of me thinks I'm ready but the other keeps worrying about everything that can go wrong. There are at least two other nurses in the building but sometimes I'll be the only RN. I'm terrified of calling doctors and afraid ill miss or forget something. Who else was absolutely terrified for their first time alone? I need some advice and would love to hear about other people's experiences and how it turned out ok.

I graduated in May and got my license in July. It took me until October to find a job due to lack of experience and that I have my ADN. I'm prone to depression/anxiety but its been years since I've had a major episode. I take Prozac and Buspar daily which do not seem to help. I work at a nursing home on night shift (7p-7a). I get two halls, one in Ortho Rehab and the other is long term/hospice. I can have up to 33 pts at full capacity. Since my first night there I've been nothing but a wreck. I've lost 19lbs since Oct 9. I can't sleep and can't eat. I'll come home exhausted with thoughts raving through my head of the night and patients and sleep between 1-2hrs before waking up in a panic and then have a crying spell for up to an hour. I feel completely inadequate as a RN. I wonder what they even taught us in nursing school. My husband has health problems so about 3 years ago we did a role reversal and now he is a stay at home dad. We have a 9 and a 5 year old. I also find it terribly depressing and lonely trying to sleep during the day. Our room is dark and I haves fan and humidifier to mask noises. I wake up sick constantly, either vomiting or just dry heaving. I have a doc apt on Monday to see about my meds. I'm exhausted and feel drained. I can't quit because I'm the only one making money and the job market is terrible. Please tell me it gets easier and not so terrifying. I start on my own Monday night and I want to cry.