constellations

Hi all! I need some advice about returning to the profession after a year of soul-searching. (Wall of text ahead, sorry!) Some background: I graduated in May 2010 from a BSN program; I did quite well academically, but lacked confidence at the bedside. By my final semester of college, I felt more drawn towards public/community health, but at that point had accepted that the reality that I would need a year or two of inpatient experience before specializing. After a few months of job hunting, I took an RN position at a sub-acute/LTC facility. Here's where the crap hit the fan: I ended up quitting that job two weeks before orientation ended due to a major panic attack set off by an incident with an aggravated patient. I spent two months in a deep depression, then decided to attend to massage school (something I had personally wanted to do since I graduated high school, but my mom had adamantly opposed). For the last six months, I've worked as a massage therapist, but I feel like I'm on autopilot most days, and now I want to give nursing another shot. The situation now: Over the last year and three months since I quit that position at the sub-acute/LTC facility, I've had plenty of time to recover and understand why I had such a huge breakdown about that job and nursing in general. Part of it was that I went into nursing for the wrong reasons (job security, good income), but another part was that I had stopped listening to my gut and took that first RN position even though I knew deep-down that I had never wanted to work in a nursing home. The time I've spent as a massage therapist has helped me realize a few things: one, that I have a real desire to help people, and two, that I am most comfortable working autonomously and creatively in a one-on-one setting. For that reason, I think I would probably do best working in an outpatient office or school setting, with the eventual goal of moving towards public health nursing. Currently I am in the process of applying for a school nurse certification program that starts in the fall, and I will be taking an RN refresher course over the summer. My questions are: 1) What should I do after I take the refresher course? Should I focus on school nursing, or should I try to get a position in acute care? 2) I fell apart so soon after graduating, in part because I wasn't prepared for the realities of nursing. What can I do this time around to keep my spirits up? 3) Is there anything I'm overlooking? What are some questions I really need to ask myself before pursuing nursing again? If you've managed to read all this, I really appreciate your time, and thanks in advance for any insight you can provide.