katekate

I failed 3rd semester 2 weeks before the semester was over in clinical. I then repeated the 3rd semester and withdrew about halfway through because I was not doing well in clinicals again and my instructor told me that it would be unlikely that I could finish the rest of the semester without making any mistakes. I got B's in theory but my insecurities (lifelong feelings of being inferior/unliked) and fears (of failing due to believing that I wasn't intelligent when I was an adolescent and young adult which I tried to prove myself wrong by getting into nursing school later in life) kept me from being able to keep it all together on the floor. I just wasn't fast enough. I like to be meticulous and do things right. I felt so overwhelmed and rushed because of all that needed to be done with my patients that I would feel discombobulated. One time, my clinical instructor said I might be better at doing something more focused. At first I was insulted because I felt that nursing was all I ever wanted to do and I thought that as long as I didn't give up I would get better, faster and get a rhythm. A little background of what I also had going on while in nursing school. I'm married and have 2 teen girls. My husband, instead of helping out, worked harder than ever at his job. He was constantly upset about the messy house, lack of dinners prepared by me, sporadic grocery shopping, etc... My oldest daughter and my husband fought like crazy and he would pull me in the middle and tell me to fix it. During round #2 of 3rd semester, I put myself in counseling and my daughter too because she told me she was depressed. In 2 years, I gained 30 pounds, had high blood pressure and low vitamin D. Shortly after pulling the plug on nursing school, my daughter began cutting and tried to commit suicide. I am glad I withdrew when I did because she might not be alive if I didn't. My daughter is now on medication, feeling much better and is in her senior year. She was diagnosed with ADHD and when I read more about it, I realized that I probably have it too and that may be part of the reason why I struggled so much in clinical. That's beside the point though. Because of everything I went through, I just want to be available for my daughter as much as I can until she graduates and goes off to college. But in a year, I'd like to re-visit going back to school. I'm in my 40's, have no college degree and very little work experience (I was a stay at home mom). I want to work and earn a living. As much as I wanted to be a nurse, I am pretty traumatized from the whole experience. I keep thinking about what my clinical instructor told me about doing something more focused and I wonder if going into Respiratory Therapy might be a better fit? I'm not worried about the classes and tests. I just want to know what the clinical experience is like before I start the application process.

I just got accepted to the RN program and start in Jan! My DH keeps talking like he knows exactly where I'm going to work when I graduate (like a Plastic Surgeon's office) I got annoyed at one point and asked why he assumes I want to work there and he said I shouldn't work somewhere that I'm putting myself and my family at so much risk. He said something like "I don't want you working around people bleeding all over the place with AIDS." I'm not sure how to address this but I WANT to work in a hospital and I want to help people. Oy!