fedupfinally

Well just got word from my boss that I'm clear to come back to work! Drug test was 100% clean. No drugs. I'm so happy that the drug test was able to speak for me. I don't do drugs, don't steal drugs, nothing. She was much nicer to me but we're going to meet Monday to go over stuff. At least maybe she can listen to me better knowing some of the (drug abuse/stealing) complaints aren't true.

I finally decided to try sleeping, now that I'm awake with a clear head I am MEGA depressed. I can't believe this is real. It's tearing me up thinking I may never have the chance to work there anymore. There are so many people I'm friends with that I know are on my side. BTW I've only discussed the situation with 2 of my closest friends. They want out too, especially now. But I just want things back to the way they once were. Way before all this mess started. Doesn't help it's a dark, rainy day. I'm already depressed as it is. What makes things worse is I know I'm innocent. If I did do these things I could work on changing or something. As far as leaving the floor for a break, I already ask for permission from the charge nurse as it is. What would I have to do? Have them sign a piece of paper stating I did ask and this is what time I left and what time I came back? Have them write down times they "didn't know where I was" and document that I was in this pts room or that pts room? That's not a way to work. Seriously, if I had my way, I would have a big meeting with my manager and those accusing me if they chose to show their faces. I'll bet their tone would completely change because they are full of it. Man, I don't want to be depressed!!!

That's basically what mine is: nitpicking. My boss says it's from more than one person so it has to be true. No, I know ppl are very suggestive and you get it in one persons head that there's a problem things come out of the blue from everywhere. I don't believe I'm quitting. That's just not who I am. Setting myself up for something bad I'm sure, but damn I'm just trying to do my job!

Yes, I will update everyone along the way. I thought you couldn't get unemployment if you quit or get fired? And the max amt on unemployment doesn't come close to the income I'd lose. But something is better than nothing right? Well let's see... I went through this same game (write ups, general complaints from "everybody") when I was first hired as a new grad. With a new employee, esp a new grad, you are with a preceptor and the number of pts you get is gradually built up. On day 2 I had the max number of pts. I did more running than learning. It makes me sick when I see a new hire now only have 3 patients their 2nd or 3rd week. So there was a lot I was still unfamiliar with. So I was forced back (to my humiliation) on orientation. So some ppl automatically had a bad impression of me. But like I mentioned in a previous post, there was one particular nurse who wrote me up almost daily. And again noone came to me personally with any "concerns". I told my mgr "How am I supposed to learn the right way when I'm never told what I'm doing is wrong?" I was being written up on pts I had 3 months prior. Of course, I wasn't able to remember THAT particular pt and therefore couldn't defend myself. I wasn't fired but every day before work I would almost have what you'd think was a panic attack. At first, my dr put me on Lexapro. Then switched it to Celexa and added Klonopin. I'm still on it to this day because withdrawals are brutal and intolerable. Finally I made her switch me to night shift. I couldn't deal with the day shift people anymore. So now here I am 2 years later going through the same game. But this time they stepped it up and have added accusations of drug abuse. That's going too far. It's sick.

Nope. No unions here in Georgia. I don't know if this sort of thing (literal harassment of an employee by another or other) is as prevalent in other professional fields, but if it's a growing problem in nursing I think employees should have a rep! In all states! Not sure how I feel abt unions in general, but I think there is a time and place for them. My story, and the others posted above, are absolute tragedies. Especially in a field with shortages and an incredible need for people who do generally care. It's ironic how the ones there for the paycheck are generally the ones harassing other employees. At least at my hospital that is the case.

LOL that is SO true. So, so true. I just can't figure out why my boss dislikes me so much. I thought we always got along. I don't see her much though because she is only there during the day and I am a night shift nurse (which is a blessing because the day shift is very clique-ish and catty. I just don't understand one bit. I know I'm not perfect, but I don't understand what I could have done to get her to dislike me so much. It is what it is though.

Esme12 that is such a sad story. Unfortunately sounds a little familiar. To think this sick behavior goes on so frequently in a profession where people are supposed to CARE, blows my mind. I think nursing schools should prepare prospective graduates that THIS is the harsh reality. Maybe I'm blinded by goody goody ambitions. I feel "motherly" to my patients and work so hard to care for them that mentally it's exhausting sometimes. I actually listen to my patients and the stories they tell. Listening to one too many WW2 stories was probably an "instance" where I "disappeared" and "left the floor". Right now I have lost a lot of faith in the nursing profession. It was my lifelong dream. But it's a pure nightmare. Really is. And no, I'm not suing the hospital. It was more of a statement that, by definition, is defamation. It's sick. Mentally disturbing. Can't emphasize that enough. It's sick. Literally like the Salem Witch Trials where so many truly innocent ppl were burned at the stake. That what it really feels like.

Oh good grief morte! I don't mean that AT you personally. It seems everything can be twisted to look like drug seeking behavior. My husband, myself, our 2 boys + his mom and step dad + his brother, wife, & 3 kids are going to Disney next week. I've never been to Florida so this is an exciting trip. Just trying to make some spending money. This is just a sickening experience as a whole. It's a world I don't belong in, didn't ask to be in, & one I want out of. God forbid I have constipation or diarrhea and get stuck in the restroom for more than 30 seconds. That could be viewed as drug abuse in the wrong minds.

Really my boss just wanted to get me down to HR for a drug test. She didn't have paperwork that she could go over in detail, nothing for me to sign and defend against... Everything was rushed and non-specific for the most part. Just "I've received numerous complaints from different nurses and supervisors about you." I think I will meet with her again after the drug test results so I will have a list of questions for her as well. This was supposed to be a meeting for my annual review (which was perfect last year). So I was completely blindsided when she went on the attack. Wasn't expecting any of it. No heads up. No clue there were any issues.

Thank you JMomBaby. At least the next few days I can breathe and hopefully not encounter stress anymore. Thank you everyone for your thoughts and ideas. Keep them coming! I feel bad for those who have gone through this, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone. It's just too bad it happens so frequently. Does anyone do home health? I heard this one company is looking for RNs. What sort of work is done?

Can you tell I let my anxiety run away with me? LOL I over think and worry too much sometimes. I just don't understand, if someone really had a concern, why wouldn't they say something to me? If they think I left the floor why not ask me where I've been? Cause I never leave the floor that's why. Except, like I said, for smoke breaks that are the same amount of time everyone else's is. Or getting blood for a pt. But even still I let the charge nurse know every time. One time a nurse found a pill in a pt's bed. Automatically assumed it was a pill I gave the pt. But according to them there's no way the pt didn't drop a pill with the previous shifts' nurse. I mean these are little things that I don't even see are grounds for a write up, much less termination. There's no credit given on the good things. Written compliments from pts, never (knock on wood) having a pt fall... And I know of 2 pt falls on one of our best nurses. And so many nurses refuse to come in when they call looking for help. I always tell the supervisors to call me first and I'll be there. Does my boss look at any of that? No!

I've got documentation for every medication that has entered my system! And I have the ER record. Can I lose my license over this? And if I am fired, despite a clean drug test, can I sue for slander and defamation? I mean, I take being an RN VERY seriously. If I lose my job over crap that isn't true and those people know better that's a case right? I don't know. Just a thought. Don't want to go to court. Oh BTW to give my husband peace of mind I did buy a home drug test to prove to him I'm telling the truth. It came back with all negatives. You'd think I was a nun! Of course, he said he never questioned me LOL I love him. At least someone has some sense on what type of person I am.

There is ONE thing that concerns me. Not this last Saturday, but the one before, I was in the ER for severe abd pain. CT w contrast showed a mass that they think is just ovarian cysts. But I received 3 mg dilaudid. But then I look at it as it should be out of my system and also a doctor in the ER ordered it. I just feel like even my prescription drugs are going to make me look bad in this situation.

I agree with you on the male nurse view. It just seems they are less catty. In fact, my floor does have a bad reputation. I'm too mature to play the clique game. I'm also not the type to back down. There was one nurse in particular who has a reputation of targeting certain new employees. When I started there she harassed me almost on a daily basis. I was written up constantly and she got her friends to join in. I found this out from another nurse who wanted to give me a heads up. Although it was hard (& landed me on Klonopin for "work anxiety attacks") I toughed it out and just stayed out of her way until more new hires came in and they became her focus. 2 years later it seems the game just got worse.

Sanuk it looks like this is a big issue that supervisors should be more sensitive to. More common than I realized.

I've only been an RN for 2 years. I learned the first few months that some nurses are very vindictive. You don't have to do anything wrong. They will MAKE something wrong. I'm just floored that my boss hits me all at once rather than addressing concerns as they arise?

Yes I've considered all of that. Thanks in part to my husband. I know what you mean by the paper trail. It's so sad because I always had pride in my hospital unlike so many nurses. They have a high turnover rate, but I still saw myself being there for 10-20 years. I love nursing and always want to do better each day. I volunteer to help out on busy nights. I love working. So this hurts even more.

My boss says she has received several complaints about me. Nobody has ever come to me with "concerns with my performance". I will be completely honest in this post since I don't know anyone here. Some of the complaints include: 1) "Leaving the floor for extended periods of time": The only time I ever leave my floor is to either pick up blood from the lab or during my two 15-minute break and one 30-minute lunch break. And I ALWAYS ask for permission before I go outside. There are two other smokers on my floor and they live with the same rules I do. Our nurses station is broken into two sections, with more computers to chart on in the back. Often times I go back there to chart. I'm not a loud and rambunctious person. Many times the charge nurse or secretary will call my phone and I walk to where they are and say "Are you calling me? I'm right back here!" LOL I encouraged my boss to look at security cameras to see my movements throughout the hospital. Besides, I'm too busy to wander around the hospital! 2) "She doesn't answer/carry her phone": Actually I am one of the nurses who DOES carry her phone. There might be the rare occasion where I have both hands in a "sticky" situation (ie inserting a Foley, etc) and I'm unable to answer the phone. But if that's a sin... I'd rather be a sinner than breaking sterility, dirtying my phone... 3) "She gives narcotics at night when the patient doesn't get them during the day": I remember once losing track of time and forgetting to get pain meds for a patient. Of course, I was written up for that. Now I give pain meds as the patient requests (according to drs orders) and now it's too much. I will give in and say that I may be more likely to give pain medications (I work on a post-op floor BTW) after seeing my mother suffer with horrible pain due to cancer which claimed her life this year. I don't want to see anyone suffering. But I suppose it's the numbers I should worry about. 4) "She's not witnessed when getting narcotics": Honestly, there are NO nurses on my floor that stand and wait for you to waste narcotics. So why am I the only one targeted? If that nurse is running through the nurses station and I need her to witness, she would fingerprint the Pyxis and run off on whatever she was previously working on. 5) "She didn't turn the bed alarm on such and such patient": Patient safety is of great importance and so are bed alarms. There have been occasions where I've walked in a room and an alarm isn't on. Whether I did it or someone else did it (for example someone taking my pt to the restroom and forgetting to turn on the alarm) it's hard to tell. But yes, tell me about it when it occurs! Does it really need to involve being written up over? Matter of opinion I suppose. Now if it's an ongoing problem, that's another story. So basically the meeting with my boss was nothing short of a Salem witch trial. Seriously. And because I'm being accused of using drugs I willingly took a urine test. I do take Lortab on rare occasions and Klonopin on a daily basis so I know at least the Klonopin will come back. But I have a legit prescription. And ironically, I went on Klonopin after going to my doctor and breaking down over the stress of my job and a few particular employees. But apparently the process is to declare your prescriptions after your drug test comes back positive. Sounds weird to me, but that's how they said it's done. Oh, and I'm suspended until the drug test comes back. So with all that being said I am SO hurt, SO betrayed, and SO mad. Alot like a grieving process. Even with a clean drug test I know my boss is going to fire me based on accusations alone. My job was always one good thing going for me in my life. Especially after losing my mother (in a deep depression over that still). Has anyone ever been through this? What do I do? How do I feel? Even if I am allowed to return to work, how do I work as an efficient nurse knowing I'm walking on glass and I don't know who will make something up next? I don't recall ever doing anything to make any nurses or supervisors target me. I know I have probably been withdrawn since losing my mother, but I sure as hell am not doing drugs! I love my job too much!