lhoff2

I have been a nurse for 2 years....

Hi, Im new to this site, but I hope you will help me with this. I work on a med/surg tele floor at a small non-profit hospital. The staffing is not great and either is the ancillary help. The unit Im on is predominately med surg. I recently got engaged and started grad school about a year ago in nursing adminstration as well. I found myself a few weeks ago in tears. Oftentimes, at night it is just me an another nurse (14 bed unit). I was so stressed out. I was being pulled in every direction..helping a new nurse, a patient was hostile and threatening me, another one combative and confused, 2 incontinent. I just couldnt compose myself. I had felt this way for a while..but i guess it came to a head. Now, I have been re-inforced that I am good at what I do, yet I feel very little satisfication when I arrive home. I feel I do what I need to and I feel in control and know the logistics. Following this breakdown incident, 2 managers helped with a task or two and spoke to me about everything. I was embarassed I was so upset and yet relieved to say it outloud. They even said I could leave for the night and they would cancel me..since they had extra staffing. However,I couldnt give that assignment to another person. Now, you must understand there are nurses who have worked on this unit for a number of years and they usually divide the assignment the way they want too. I have tried to speak out a few times on what I deem is unfair..but to no avail and have spoken with management as well... Now the point...I went to a job fair not thinking I would ever get a job (difficult place to get in )but because I was upset. Well..I got the job. Everything at this hospital is better. More acute patients though and may have to pay back some tutition costs. I am SOOOOOO AFRAID. I can start in 4 four weeks with 2 weeks off in between. As I am getting married and in class..that would be a good break. I literally cried when I got the job..not beacuse I was happy but Im so scared. At my hospital u sank or swam...for 6 months I struggled to stay afloat. Everyone has told me- What a great chance this is...BUT I keep thinking I wont be good enough or what if they think I dont know anything. I dont want this opportunity to pass but when does this feeling go away????? Is this a red flag that this is just not a good profession for me? I could also start later and have 3 weeks off..would it be better to take more time off? In terms of school, Im in the middle of a class already and waiting until than I would be done for the semster and could have a month before I would have to sign up for next semster. Why do I have no self-confidence when everyone else has confidence in me? SEASONED nurses..is this anxiety normal??? Im not happy where I am ..but afraid to go.......