Hi everyone, A couple nights ago I was up at night attempting to read this book I bought, "Your first year as a Nurse: Making the Transition from Total Novice to Successful Professional[/url]." And I thought to myself this is so boring and I am not even sure if this is helpful. Then I started thinking about my experiences in my first year in nursing. I take my job very seriously because I work in oncology, but in between the times of being serious and sad for my patients some funny things have happened to me. I thought to myself why not try to write a funny book on how to survive your first year of nursing. I am definitely not a writer, but I was thinking with some help from this site and my nursing friends I can really create something here. I quickly thought of one chapter that I believe is funny and every nurse can relate to. What do you think? "The Poop Massacre" It was 7:27am and received my first official report as a RN. My preceptor and I agreed on my first day lets take it slow and take on one patient. My patient was an elderly woman who we will call Barbara. She was at the hospital status post chemo and had cdiff with history of lung cancer and dementia. I looked up at the door before entering seeing the sign "Contact Isolation- Must Wear Gown And Gloves". So I gowned up, put my gloves, took a deep breath, and entered the room. I walked into Barbara was yelling, " Help I have to go to the bathroom now I don't think I can hold it much longer!" I ran over to her, quickly helped her out of bed, and got her to the commode. Ahh sigh relief we made to the commode safely. Then Barbara said, "Lady I need to wipe myself!" Great I thought to myself searching the unfamiliar room where is the toilet paper and why isn't near the commode. I really don't want to de-gown, leave her on the commode, and search for my preceptor within the first 10 minutes of being on the floor to ask where toilet paper is. Instead I frantically searched every corner of the room. Success! I finally found roll of toilet paper thrown on one of the tables in the room. She swipes the toilet paper from me, but then she looks down at the ground. I ask, "Barbara did you go?' and she said, "I did, but I think some fell out." I ask, "Fell out? Huh?" Then I look down and see my imprint of my sneaker in poop on the ground. Then I look over in at the rest of the room to witness the "poop massacre".