Diane M

Thanks, all, for your input. I have now taken a leave of absence. I am definitely out of the full time program. My father-in-law had a heart attack this week and my absence to go visit him in Pittsburgh from upstate NY will cost me my place in that class. But that was a no-brainer. Family comes first. The day after my FIL's heart attack, I attended clinical and just lost it. Gave all my equipment away to my classmates (a great Littman steth my son had given me for Xmas, other misc stuff, and all my drug cards) and hugged them goodbye, with no intention of ever going back. Marched into the school to tell my DON that I'm quitting, but she wouldn't let me. She said I'm in no condition to make such a decision now, between my FIL and the fact that my own father is in the midst of going through many dx tests - they found a spot on his lung, problems with a heart valve, etc. So now my choices are (a) should I go back to LPN school at all? (b) go part time and graduate in June 2006 © jump into the next full-time class when they get up to the point where I just left off, which would be in September or October, then graduate in January 2006. Tired of agonizing. Wish I could do a Rip Van Winkle and just sleep for a hundred years. But then what would I want to do when I wake up?

Yes, we're almost done with med-surg. It was interrupted by a 3-week stint in Oncology which everyone fretted over but it was my favorite part, since I want to do Hospice care. We too will be starting OB in about 3 weeks and I am really looking forward to it. I'm hoping that'll be enough of a positive influence to make me keep on keepin' on. I WILL keep plugging. Thank you, all of you, for your kind words and support. My husband and kids can give me sympathy but unless a person knows what it's really like (like all you guys), they really just cannot imagine the stress of it. Meanwhile, thank God for Xanax and Prozac.

It's funny that you say this. I remember telling my daughter when she hated her freshman year at college sharing an apartment with three other people who were slobs, "sweetie, you can do anything for nine months". I've promised myself I will never say those words to anyone again ---- but I do try to convince MYSELF that I can do anything for 4 months (I just don't believe myself). And yes, I am definitely taking it one day at a time. If I think too far ahead, I really freak out.

Hoolahan - actually, one of my classmates suggested the same thing. I don't know if all LPN programs do this, but in ours, you get your CNA license in the second month of the program as part of the course. (I call it my $8500 CNA license :chuckle ). She suggested that I take a leave and do CNA work to get a rhythm and a routine going with my hands-on patient care to help with my time management problem. I thought about it, but the thought of having God knows how many patients assigned to me as a CNA is equally frightening! It is something I will consider, though. Thanks!

I have thought about what freaks me out. I think the biggest part is the clinical instructor grading me like I'm a 10 year old elementary school child, when I'm a 50-year old woman who was very competent in her former career. I'm a perfectionist and really beat myself up when I feel that I don't perform well. Yes, it makes me so frustrated that my academic grades are so good and my critical thinking is really good too - it's just applying it in a timely manner that gets me. I have no problem interacting with the patients. They don't frighten me - I love them! That's what's so frustrating. If I could overcome this anxiety, I think I would be a good, caring nurse. I sometimes wonder if my time would be better spent as a volunteer, then I could sit all day at the patients' bedside and hold their hands and be an ear to listen to them. Some of the patients need that just as much, if not more, than the nursing care, don't you think?

Goddess66, I think the biggist part is the clinicial instructor breathing down my neck. I know he/she has to be there, but I can't help feeling that I would function so much better if I could just be turned loose, or if I could shaddow an experienced nurse for a shift to see how she manages her time. I've requested that, but of course, it just isn't done. Thanks for your reply!

This is true. I can't miss ANY more time or I'll be moved to the part time program and it'll take me another year or more to finish. I keep thinking what if I get sick or what if my car won't start, etc. etc. etc. Anxiety is such an amazing, destructive thing - it just keeps feeding on itself and getting bigger and bigger as I feel that my self-esteem is getting smaller and smaller. Thanks for your reply. This site is a big help.

Do you know why you are anxious? First search that question and maybe that will help you decide. Do you feel that nursing is not for you? Marcia Marcia, I think the reason I am so anxious is that I'm a perfectionist. I was top notch in my 28-year career as a legal assistant to a trial lawyer, very detail oriented and saved my boss's butt many times. I hate feeling so incompetent now. I really come down hard on myself and am not forgiving of myself at all. My biggest problem is time management. It's just my style - I go slow until I feel really comfortable with what I'm doing, but this program isn't going to wait for me to speed up, as we all know. My CI is constantly breathing down my neck. As to whether nursing is for me or not? I LOVE working with the patients, they're my favorite part of it all. That's not where the anxiety comes from. However, the anxiety from clinicals has made me question whether I could work in a hospital setting and I now feel maybe I would be calmer working in a doc's office ...... BUT THAT'S NOT WHY I WANTED TO BE A NURSE! My goal was to do in-home Hospice nursing, but I'm told they usually want you to have at least a year of hospital experience before you can do that. If I'm going to settle for a doc's office where I basically do height, weight, temp and BP, I might as well go back to my old career and fulfull my need to help others by doing volunteer work where I can spend as much time as I like at the patient's bedside. Sorry for rambling. Thanks so much for your input.

Has anyone been through this? I have "only" four months to go before graduation and I'm thinking (again) of quitting. My clinical anxieties have gotten so bad that my doc has doubled my meds and I feel like a zombie. Academic grades are excellent, clinical average about 92. But... I owe 6 clinical makeup days where I can only get a maximum of 85 on each day, and min. average of 85 is required to pass, so there's not much room for error here. The 6 clinical absences were a result of "meltdowns" where I was so freaked out over clinical that I couldn't go and was even then on the verge of quitting. Everyone says don't quit with only 4 months left, but to me it's 4 months of absolute hell, at least in my mind. Any input?

I am currently attending an accelerated 10 month full time LPN program in upstate NY. The pace is grueling. Class is Sept thru June, 8:30 - 2:00, M-F. Clinicals 3 days/week, from 8-2. Spend at least 3 hours a night studying & doing homework, and the same on weekends. Class started out with 53, lost many along the way and now down to under 30. The first three months, everybody in the class was always sick because they were so stressed and so exhausted. I wouldn't recommend the full time program for anyone who has to work while in the program, especially if they have children. I hear that their pass rate on the NCLEX is pretty high. I'll see for myself this summer, God willing. Good luck to you!

I know just what you mean. I think a big part of the problem for us second career folks is that we were so well established and proficient in our first career that we expected to start off with the same level of proficiency in nursing school. It is discouraging when we can't meet our own high expectations! I was glad to see your post because I have been thinking the same thing. There are days (especially clinical days) when I question why I'm doing this, but at the same time, like you, I don't want to be a quitter. Let's just try to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel and try to hang in there. I don't know about you, but some of my days are terrific and others are the pits. (I guess that's normal in nursing school). Let's not let those bad days scare us away. Wow, I think I just motivated myself........ Thanks, Blondii!