newbie242

Newbie is a new hire. I just completed my first month on a surgical unit and I think someone has made a horrible mistake... I need some empowerment from the experienced~~ First and foremost, thanks for any assistance. :) I'm a new grad, new hire who has been through it- just like so many stories I've been reading through. Nurses eat thier young. That is the most not funny cliche I've ever heard, but sadly applicable. In my first month, I've had three preceptors (because of scheduling)- the primary one has just finished her first year of nursing. Working with her is like riding an emotional rollercoaster. I can't ask for a different preceptor- there is NO such thing as confidentiality there and I dread anything negative getting back to her. It's all he said/she said nonsense at shift change. Everyone knows everything about everybody else, even if it's horrid rumor and gossip. NOT fun to get report in. My unit has no structured orientation program. It's sink or swim. You need help? Ask questions. I'm waving the flag that I'm in over my head, wait, I'm SAYING OUTLOUD I'm in over my head and I get nothing. My mgr has made it clear that if I cant figure out how to work independently within the next four weeks, then this isnt the right place for me to work. Right. Well, lets talk about my next shift, for cryin out loud. I am overwhelmed, tired, exhausted, and my nerves are just shot to hell. I can't take care of the normal patient assignment and do the six hours of charting that goes along with it. I have a hard enough time getting medications out on time (which I do), assessments (which I do), patient care (which I do) and then the charting (which is considered an epic FAIL). I hear all the time about "protecting your license". I am terrified of doing something ridiculously naive because I dont know better (and oh, even though I should) and losing it. I worked HARD for it, just like everyone else. I am scared of telling them to shove off- jobs are hard to come by and dont I have to include this failure in my next application? My experienced friends reassure me and tell me it takes time to develop your skills, your practice, find your niche. HA. I'd like to keep my license for as long as possible, thanks. How many charting errors or omissions are going to ride out? I havent made any known med errors and I bust my butt to ensure they're accurate, timely and safe. I'm constantly fretting about making mistakes because I don't get the supervision I KNOW I NEED. I am hanging my head in disappointment. I would NEVER have thought this would be my first experience-