cristyanne

The next time you are on the reciprocating end of an unwarranted rant by a physician, I want you to talk to them in Olde English. What’s this you say, a way to screw with doctors? How do I sign up? Let me give you an example: Let’s say a certain surgeon who shall not be named, tells you that one of his patients is coming in and to call him as soon as they arrive at the hospital. Shortly thereafter, the patient arrives but now the surgeon is nowhere to be found. You call him over the intercom, inquire his locale at the OR desk and physically circle the hospital to no avail. Sure you have patients to care for and things to chart, but having time to do your job is boring, you decide to make it more challenging by going on a wild goose chase. Eventually, you give up the search and call out a page. You didn’t want to resort to something so drastic, as to make a phone call. But, not only did he ask you to call him, the patient has been pacing the floor for an hour and is now quite loudly demanding the appearance of said surgeon. Fast forward another 30 minutes; in storms the illusive surgeon, smoke coming from his ears. He is screaming as he walks through the door, “Who paged me?! I have been in OR 3 for the last hour! I was in the middle of surgery! I never said to page me.” Instead of explaining to the surgeon, that he did not have a scheduled case, so there would be no way to know he was assisting another doctor in the OR unless he told you or the OR charge nurse (which he did not), or that he asked you to find him when the patient arrived, (which was now an hour and ½ ago) and that the patient is almost as livid as you are, say this: “Oh, my liege forgiveth me for thou hast but the brain of a miniscule and lowly nurse. If only I had black magic mind reading powers, so that I might know wherest thou are and what thou are’t thinking. A thousand pardons, my kind and benevolent lord.” Then back away bowing and waving your hand in a circular motion. This should render the raving MD speechless, as he/she will realize it is one thing to blow up at your average nurse, but quite another to cross a crazy person. Don’t wait for a surgeon to chew your butt to try out your Olde English, I would think this would be just as applicable to egomaniacal cardiologists, narcissistic neurosurgeons, hot head urologists etc, etc.