CrystalPsychRN

I am afraid to post this. I am a new nurse (RN, BSN). I work in psych (Acute Care, Inpatient). I have an eating disorder. I have had an eating disorder for a little under 9 years now. I do not binge in your classic sense (not very large 2000+ calorie binges or anything) but on occasion I will eat more than I am comfortable with and purge it, and I often restrict. I would not be posting this if I was not absolutely mortified about my job. I think I finally am ready to get help. I want to be better. I started out as a 5 foot 4 inch 220lbs teenager. At the height of my anorexia I was 98lbs. I was a 130lbs college kid. I was 125 my final semester of nursing school. It has been about four months since I graduated and I am now 109lbs. I've been having a rough time because I am stressed about the new job, and I have other major issues going on, plus my depression is kicking in again. I want help, but don't know if I can get it. I first do not think I can afford it. Secondly, and most importantly, I am worried that if I go into treatment I will no longer be able to work in psych. I love psych. I could not work anywhere else. The thought of having to tell the BON or some other governing body that I went into treatment or therapy scares me away from wanting it or telling anyone about it. I don't know what to do. Do I have to tell anyone that I am in therapy? Would it really effect my job? Is this just another excuse I am making up to avoid treatment or is it legitimate? I don't know, and I don't know what to do. Thank you for any responses.