nikkibum

I am a new graduate nurse who graduated last year in June. I took a new grad nurse initiative position in a city 5 hours away from home. The position was on a busy orthopaedics unit. I was young, single and thought the decision to move would be good as it will help me become more independent and grow a little bit. I was wrong. I cried a lot. It was not the loneliness, it was the job. The loneliness just made it worse because I had no one close to support me. The co-workers were nice but they were very gossipy and that made me insecure because I would often wonder what they would be saying about me. I made many mistakes, and one day I made a med error and thought that I was unsafe. Well I am unsafe, med errors are a big deal. I followed the procedures that comes with making a med error and thankfully no harm was done on the patient. I felt horrible. So after days of freaking out, getting depressed and crying for the benefit of everyone I decided to quit and move back home. My parents did not want to me quit nursing as I had invested a lot of time and effort in it. I tried nursing again this time in a LTC facility. It is slower paced, but I was responsible for 30 residents. I made two major errors that required counselling (but they only counselled me instead of discplining me because the facility does not have a union rep), the most recent error was not informing the POA that the resident refused blood work on two separate occassions. I had documented that the resident refused but I never informed them. The POA made a very big deal about it. I feel horrible. I have periods when I get depressed. I would sleep for hours on my days off ignoring my personal hygeine I would eat less because I just did not feel hungry. I did well in nursing school (both theory and clinical) I just do not understand why this transiton period is not going so well. Why am I not excelling. I know no one is perfect, but I feel that in my gut nursing is not for me. My personality the way I think is not meant for nursing. I feel like I did well in nursing school because it was school, I just knew how to study. On the other hand, it may seem like I am runnning away. But in this profession is it not better to listen to warning signs before I really make a lethal mistake? Did I not give nursing a second shot and still I am having issues? Should I quit nursing now and try a different profession? I have one profession in mind and every time I think about it or think about quitting nursing I just feel a little bit better.