Wheels

Please move this post if I have posted in the wrong forum. I am not an RN, I am a patient, a very frequent patient... I have been in the hospital about 7 times this year for Pneumonia, one was MRSA-type they said, and the nurses had to wear gowns when ever they came into the room. But, I have.. well, a concern. Because I have been in the hospital so many times, I dread going back, because I hate that they are thinking, "Oh.. it's him again...." kinda thoughts. And it's kind of a psuedo thing as well, because every single time I come into the hospital, they already pretty much have Ativan IV Push ordered, haha. Because I just.. totally can't handle what's going on, and the thought of me getting sick again.. and what I might hear from the chest xray. My question is.. how can I overcome this fear? This fear of them thinking, "Oh.. it's HIM again.." I have been getting pneumonia frequently because of a tracheostomy operation I had to have, and it has made me very sick, and added to my chronic pain. I have Muscular Dystrophy (type FSH), severe scoliosis due to anatomy (rib cage actually rests on pelvic bone) causing everyday chronic sharp intense pain, and severe anxiety and depression, and bi-polar tendencies... I'm just afraid to come into the hospital afriad of what they are thinking of me, then nurses. Them thinking, "Oh.. it's him again...here we go..." and thoughts like that. How can I overcome that, maybe from a nurse's perspective? Just... afraid of even calling the ambulance to go, starting that whole thinking process.