I know where you are comming from. I just completed my first year in an ambulatory chemotherapy office. Learning professional boundries has been one of the most difficult aspects of Oncology nursing for me. Our patients become like family because we spend so much time together and when they die they are suddenly just gone. In our office we are not permitted to discuss dying or hospice alternatives with our patients to help them and us move on to the next step after active treatment. We don't get to say our good- bye's. I think there could be great improvement in this area of our practice but I have turned to the experienced nurses who have helped me seperate a helping relationship from a personal relationship with our patients. Try reading about helping relationships and identify some of your own ways to process their deaths. I staarted a memorial book where I write their name or their nickname that I have for them and a couple words that I associate with that person.(Like loves to tell me jokes, or teases me or beautiful spirit)/ I know it violates hipa sort of but it is private and that is my little way to say goodbye. Just a thought.