David_b

hi, i totally understand your concern. but i can assure you its not really a valid one. firstly, i firmly believe that in order to succeed on a female dominated profession, a male must be the best if they want to be treated as an equal. Its an unfortunate reality across the board, in male dominated careas, such as merchanics, when you do find a female, you wont find them on your local gaurage. they'll be working on the race cars or goverment facilities like NASA. the same goes in female dominated carers. heres what i do to survive (i can't believe the first time i'm ever going to say this is on a public forum). 1- all in all patients are generally good and happy for you to look after them. in over 7years in nursing (first as an AIN) i have only ever had 1 pt who refused for me to do any personal care. 2- whenever i get a new pt that i will need to be interment with, and i expect would feel uncomfortable, i will go to them and introduce my self, and i will openly discuss with them what i would like to do with them (NOTE: 'do with them' not 'do to them') in a much depth as they like. this often takes up to 10min or more, in doing this my only purpose is to make them feel comfortable with and around me, if they can't trust me with their gear on, how can i ever expect them to trust me with it off. in this visit i will NOT do anything to them, no BP to TPR, nothing. when I'm with them that first time, its not as nurse X its as David, I'm there to be friendly and nonclinical. 3- when I'm with them that first time i will mention everything invasive that i would like to do with them, and ask them if their ok with it. if not i we will explore it further to find out why and often its simple things that we take for granted as nurses. remember, everyday we go in and do things that in any other context in any society would be considered at the very least socially wrong, and often illegal. we must see the world as the patient does. e.g -stripping someone who is unconsus naked and fondelling them for 30min- a bed barth. - telling a person to strip naked and sit still while a perfect stranger sticks a strange thing into their genitals - a catheter - even things as simple as a BP, when your out shopping, how often does the stranger in the line in front of you turn around and squeezing you arm. how often do you even touch someone you've never met before outside of work. 4- my empathetic appearance in not helped by my 6foot, biceps as big a you head type of build, so men need to compensate, talk in a soft, calm voice, as though you helping them to meditate. this will overcome the perception that this halk can't be gentle. 5- my secret wepon: on patients i know are not happy being cared for by a man, and i have not been able to talk it through with them. i simply become less manly, i let them think that I'm gay (but for god sake don't tell them that), I'm naturally very feminen which makes this a lot easier and only a very small change. but you'll be amaised how many pt's would be happy to have a gay man look after them then a straight one, and sometimes, even over the women. (if in doing this i have offended anyone from the G and L community, i am very, very sorry. this is not my intention at all, my goal in the best possible pt care and i have found this to be an effective way of doing this. once again, if i have offended, i am deeply sorry). 6- finally it is absolutely vital to remember that at the end of the day when all is said and done, it is still the pt's body and therefore their choice no matter what. you must look at the context, maybe, that time when there in hospital is the 5th year anniversary since they were raped, and they wont even let their husbands touch them, not to mention a perfect stranger giving then a bed bath. reading back over this, I'm not too sure that i have really helped you too much in what you were actually after, but i hope you can get something from it. David