Spivey

Hi all, First time posting here. A little bit about me, I'm 25 years old, son of a life long RN, kind of having trouble finding a career path, I have 2 kids, ages 6 and 6 months. I grew up with ambitions of being a musician, even left my home in Jacksonville to head to Los Angeles to go to music school. 3 years later, I've figured out that this probably isn't going anywhere, so I'm considering the nursing field (my mom has tried to convince me to go for it since I was 18) A lot of things about being a nurse appeal to me, my mom is a travel nurse, and gets to make amazing money, see the country, and pretty much call the shots in her life, I like that. Granted, I know that's not specific to everybody's case, but it appeals to me, I'd love to travel when I can, working agency and choosing when I get to work, all things that make me want to pursue getting an RN, plus my mom says that male nurses are in high demand at a lot of areas. My issue is probably the same as a lot of peoples, I have issues I guess with messing something up. I know if I did something, or something happened that caused someone their life, it'd be something I'd never be able to live with. I think I'm overly sensitive, but it seems like it's in my blood, when I was 9, I started kind of my first steps towards this field when my grandfather moved in with us, and I was stuck helping out a lot, he was early stages of alzheimers at the time, and as he progressed I was often left giving meds, changing diapers, giving showers, feeding him, an awful lot for a 10-11 year old to be doing. I have the heart for this, but it seems like maybe my heart is too big, I know patient care and spending time with patients is a big part of things, and just the thought of getting close to someone then having them die a few days later, or die holding my hand, just breaks my heart already, and it's just things I don't know how to cope with. My mom says that by the time I'm dealing with patients, if I don't know what I'm doing, there's something seriously wrong, and I'm sure after all the schooling I'd be more prepared than I am now. My mom being the CCU/ICU nurse deals with the issues that worry me a lot, but instead of helping me figure out if I'll be able to cope with these things, all I hear from her is money,money,money.. she just pushes so hard that once I get my RN I'll never have to worry about work again, and while that's important, I don't want to be stuck with an RN and then not be able to use it. I've also considered other fields of nursing, but I (not to sound selfish) want to go where the money is, I'd love to be involved with children, but I don't know enough about all the areas to speak on it much.. I don't know what I'm getting at, or if I'm venting, or just searching for someone to tell me that I can do this. I was also considering going to school for sonography, but I don't know much about job security in that field, but I've always been interested in that as well, and I'm a fairly technical person and that's also another area that interests me.. I don't know.. Any advice? Thanks for letting me rant!