averageJo

did you know some cruises & resorts host AA meetings? You migh have to inquire a little. I'd definitely think about starting one if it were me.....I missed the boat not starting one at my company. You'd be shocked how many would maybe participate.

oh yes....i agree. a little longer of the gnawing inside me and i might not have been able to stop myself from pinching from my current job, and a bit longer than that and surely i would endanger someone. i just feel like being forthright before any of that came to happen should help instead of hurt. maybe i am wrong.

okay....here goes. i'm off to rehab tomorrow. i never, ever took any drug from my current job, the job i love with my whole being. my previous job....well, i'm ashamed but a small ED in which the MI protocol was 4 mg morphine and the vials only came in 8 mg form, and my coworkers (understaffed, as everywhere seems to be) would rush through signing the wastes practically as i pulled the meds and not check them...led me to experiment, and stockpile. not a single patient i have ever had in my charge has ever had a drug diverted from them, i guess i was just the "leftovers" queen. i left my previous position simply for higher pay/better hours/ bigger facility and friendlier management; nothing was ever discovered; my use was very limited (2 mg here, 4 mg there, subcutaneously only, never used a vein.) however, i had amassed a very large amount of morphine which i kept tucked away for "recreational" use. ( really, im so ashamed even looking at this, as im even typing it i just want to scream at me.) I had elective surgery that required 8 hours of anesthesia and woke up feeling something very strange but couldnt put my finger on it. the prescription norco from my surgeon worked for my postop issues for a couple days. Something got into me that third day....i decided why waste time with this, i have the juice right here, and know what i'm doing, and injected, mainline in my vein, 8 mg morphine. this tured into an everyday habit, using more and more until i exhausted my supply, 1 week ago today and the whole world fell apart. in a domestic dispute while i was withdrawing, my soon to be ex husband called the police to have me committed for "suicidal ideations" (he's extremely jealous and doubted I was going to work as I stated)...since I had been forthright with him about my drug use a few days prior, he informed the ambulance crew about my use and withdrawal, told them where I worked and that i had obtained the drugs from work and not the street. when I was brought to the ED, i underwent a urine test which did come up positive for opiates, however I did still have a valid prescription for my postop norco. The PA that took care of me informed me that he may have to report me as an impaired practitioner to our state board of nursing and could not give me a definitive answer on this. I have never, EVER reported to work under the influence of ANYTHING--i work a 36 hour schedule and my addictions (i had drinking problems in my youth as well) have always involved "benders"--days of indulgent use followed by days of stark-sober functionality. I had called in sick to work immediately when I realized my husband was calling, knowing I had at least a 2-hour ordeal of fallout and wouldn't be on time anyway. I never, ever, ever would endanger a patient or this job in that way. I have decided to voluntarily go to rehab starting tomorrow. however, when I spoke with the intake nurse and the legal department,. they too stated if they deemed me a threat to patient care i would be reported to the board as an impaired practitioner. i feel like this is a no win situation. i sought help twice--granted, once on someone else's say-so and this time on mine--but in both instances I feel i am being penalized for doing so. I feel like I have noplace to turn. Can anyone offer some words...and if not official legal advice then maybe just how HIPAA might play into this, especially considering i was voluntary and forthright? please...i am at the brink of i'm not even sure what.