chaotic

I am hoping things work out for you the way they are supposed to! I can relate to not wanting to go back to 12 hr shifts that early in the morning...yuck. But, I got to the point where I am willing to do anything to get a chance to build back trust. You say you are working at the place you got into trouble? Did you get fired, suspended, resign? I am just wondering because I resigned from the hosp. that I got into trouble at. They are affiliated with a lot of the clinics here and I have been wondering if it might be a possibility to go back there in the future. It would be hard to go back and have to face old co-workers (I live in a small town and it seems like every time I go into public I run into someone I used to work with and it is hard to see them) but you have the strength to do it and I believe it would make you even stronger in your recovery!

Well, after months of searching and being turned down, I think I may have a good chance of being hired at a LTC facility. I really hope and pray this is it. I have been rejected more times in the past 6 months than I care to think about. I have even been trying to get non-nursing/office/clerical jobs but continue to be rejected. I almost decided to give up my nursing career, was so discouraged, but after being turned down for several non-nursing jobs, I decided to get back out there and pursue a nursing position. It was like a light came on in my head...that I am meant to be a nurse and just because I am an addict and I screwed up doesn't mean that I shouldn't pursue it and can't be a nurse anymore. So I went to the LTC care facilities (which I have been avoiding) and turned in applications. I had 2 interviews scheduled within an hour. I really did not want to go back to the 12 hour shifts, and I said I would never work night shifts but I just got into the right frame of mind, so desperate to go back to work, and I am at the point where I am willing to do anything! I just laid it all out there on the table during my interview with the DON. Before we even got into the formal interview questions I told her about all of my issues and that I am an addict in the monitoring program for nurses in our state. I didn't try to sugar coat it or make excuses and I was confident in telling her about my recovery. She was very understanding and familiar with addiction and nurses in monitoring programs. She really put me at ease unlike the other interviews I've been to after I told them of my problems, the atmosphere and tone completely changed and became cold. She said that she has hired nurses in the program before and they turned out to be excellent employees. I think I nailed all of the formal interview questions as well. I was there for about an hour and a half and also met with the administrator who seemed supportive and understanding of my situation as well. I felt so good when I left. She said that she has to clear it through corporate first before she can hire me and actually called me later in the afternoon to touch base and tell me that she hadn't gotten a phone call back but promised she wouldn't leave me hanging. We then talked on the phone for another 20 minutes. She said that corporate has agreed to hire nurses in my situation in the past so it sounds like I have a good chance. Fortunately it sounds like they have had good experiences with the nurses they have hired that were in the program. AND, it is a day shift position!! Oh I hope this is it! Please send good vibes and thoughts my way that I get this job that I so desperately need!

Just to clarify....she was not a nurse or any type of healthcare professional. I'm over it and am just moving on with my life now.....things are going really good since I've been clean and sober! :)

Eleven years ago, when I was active in my meth addiction my mom turned me in and had me arrested twice. I was and still am grateful to this day for her doing that because I know she was genuinely concerned. This now is a totally different situation......it was done out of vindictiveness and the part that really gets me is that I had already put myself into treatment and had started attending AA/NA every day and got a sponsor. I was already clean and no longer impaired and then she did this. If it was someone that I know was concerned and had I still been actively using then I would be a bit more understanding and probably thankful. Anyhow, I have actually been praying for her. I know she's a sick person. The praying is working and I am less bothered by it now and am focusing more on myself and my recovery. I do have a lot to be thankful for but most of all I give credit to myself for taking action when I knew I was headed for trouble and not letting it totally destroy me :)

Hi Sarah! I was in the same boat before I got my license. I have a felony from 11 years ago related to drug use. I finished school and got my license 2 years ago. I basically had to explain to the BON what I did and what I had done to change. I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. It's too bad that you couldn't volunteer at that place but there are plenty of other places out there that I'm sure will be willing to give you a chance. Good luck on your journey!!

I got a non-nursing temporary clerical job. It is the best I can do right now. No place seems to be hiring around here at this time that can deal with my narc restrictions. It is better than nothing right now, at least I'll have an income through the holidays. After this job is done I'll start looking for a nursing job again but right now I'm just relieved that I'll at least be able to pay my bills for a while.

Well, so far sl33y I have not had any legal action taken against me. I was called into the BON but fortunately for me, they dismissed the complaint because I had already referred myself to their monitoring program and was in treatment. I had also written them a letter before the meeting stating that I realized the severity of my actions and problems, and expressed sorrow and remourse. I did not have an attorney either. Now if the law was involved and I was looking at criminal charges, then I would definately bring an attorney in. Have you heard anything from the BON yet? Did your employer notify them of your issues? Have you contacted an addictions counselor yet? If not, please do so ASAP. I can't stress this enough! The best advice I can give you is to have all your ducks in a row as far as treatment goes if you get called in by the board or even if criminal charges are brought against you. This is very important. And be honest. Tell them, yes I am an addict and I have a problem but I am working on getting it under control. You want to be able to tell them that you are in treatment and that you have already contacted the VRP program and have been clean for x amount of days. They want to know that you are serious about your recovery and are working on it. Good luck and keep us posted!

sl33y, I was recently in a similar position that you are. I was confronted at work for diverting and stealing a prescription and given the option to resign without charges pressed. I am still sitting on pins and needles knowing there is a chance I will be arrested tomorrow because I know that there are 2 detectives at my local police station (thanks to an anonymous tip they recieved) that are aware of what I did. It is just the question, are they going to pursue charges against me. I have a lawyer waiting on the backburner just in case it were to happen. I pray to God every day that it doesn't happen. However, I can't let it keep me from moving forward which is what you need to do. After I was confronted at work I immediately contacted the BON and referred myself to my state's nurses assistance program. Luckily, I had already been in treatment for 2 weeks. There are no charges against you right now so you need to get yourself into your states program for nurses right away. Also, get yourself into treatment ASAP. Make an appointment with a licensed addictions counselor. The sooner the better!!! I tell you, that was the only thing that saved my a$$. Because of the fact that I was already in treatment and self referred myself to the monitoring program, the BON actually dismissed the complaint against me as long as I stay in the NAP program for 3 years with no problems. Believe me, I understand where you are and feel for you but you don't know what will happen tomorrow or even in an hour from now so you must go on with your life and do what you need to do to save your life. The only person that can do it is you. It is agonizing, I know, but you must act now and get yourself into treatment!!! I have a long history of addiction and I don't care who you are....if you are using drugs it will catch up to you and ruin your life. You will never be able to use any drugs again, just take it one day at a time. I have finally come to terms with the fact, after 15 years, that I must stay clean and sober if I want to live a good and productive life. I also realize that as an addict, for me, that I can't have a job where I have access to narcotics. At least not right now. Maybe further along in my recovery. Also, even if you do go to jail, it won't be the end of the world. I know the thought of it is horrible but people can pick up the pieces of such a mess and get their lives back together. It will suck but it's not impossible. I know of doctors and other nurses that have gotten felony drug charges for fraudulently obtaining drugs but they are now in recovery and are still working. My primary care doctor is a recovering addict in the physicians assistance program. So there is hope!! Your life is not over but you have to move forward in a positive light. Best of luck to you!!

Thank you Jack! I know, I have been having trouble staying in the "here and now". I tend to dwell on the past, worry about the future and I'm working on that! Just taking it one day at a time and waiting for things to get better, which I know as long as I stay in recovery, good things will come. It has happened before, then I screwed up again with drugs and look at what happened. It is really not worth it! I think that I have finally accepted that I AM and addict and there is no "safe" drugs that I can ever do, including alcohol. I am somewhat grateful that I am in the NAP program and am being monitored. It's a pain, and it costs money, but in the long run, it is a major motivator to stay clean.

I also wanted to add that this "friend" that turned me in was trying to push clonopin and muscle relaxers on me AFTER this happened to try to help me relax and encouraging me to go on shoplifting sprees with her. She told me that she was illegally obtaining the benzos and the somas off the internet. She did kick a morpine addiction about a year ago but she is still using. I wanted to be completely clean and sober, honest and change my life. There is NO WAY this person could be a "guardian angel" who saved my life. There are just so many things........if she was truly an honest person in recovery that I would be a bit more understanding but she is not, no way! I am very familiar with addiction and have been down this road before with a meth addiction many years ago, for which I was forced into treatment twice. I sought help on my own for my recent opiate addiction because I knew it would ruin my life if I didn't get immediate help. I have been clean and sober now for 2 1/2 months.

Ok, sounds like I need to clarify some things..... This "friend" that I am talking about is NOT a nurse, or any type of healthcare professional for that matter. In fact, she got fired from a state job last year for violating confidentiality. This "friend" that turned me in is still using and abusing drugs herself. In fact, when she found out that I had stolen that prescription and that I had pills, she called me for 2 days and asked if I would "borrow" her a few of the pills, which I did give her some. This is not an honest person that is in recovery and felt that I needed immediate intervention. She is a user herself. She steals, lies, and manipulates people. She just recently got picked up for shoplifiting a few months ago. This is a person who allows her teenage daughter to smoke pot. I have known her for 10 years and Yes, I probably shouldn't have been associating with someone like this in the first place, I know. She is in treatment too, but really, she is not working an honest program. So anyone that tries to say that she really was "concerned" doesn't know this person. She is NOT an upstanding citizen and as I said in my original post, she has many problems of her own. It's just that we confided many things to eachother and I guess you could say we were "partners in crime". It is probably a good thing that this happened so that I don't have someone like this in my life anymore. I know there is a reason for everything, but the point is that I do feel betrayed and hurt by this person. I have taken FULL responsibility for my actions. I completely realize and have accepted that if I hadn't done the deeds in the first place, then I would have never found myself if the position that I was in. That is part of what I am taking comfort in....knowing that yes in fact, I DID do this to myself. However, I still feel betrayed by this person. I feel as if she did it to be malicious, not to be helpful. I put myself in treatment, BEFORE I even got caught and before she turned me in. And yes, I realize that I was still at risk for relapse after only 2 weeks clean. I was in fact looking for a different nursing job, one that didn't have access to narcotics so that I wouldn't be tempted. I was readily willing and in the process to remove myself from that situation with the guidance of my counselor. If anyone if questioning whether or not I am taking responsibility for myself and what I did, please read my first posts here on this forum back in August. Really, I am just asking how to forgive and forget so that I am not harboring this resentment. I am really struggling with this. I have been praying but wanted to share my story and receive some support. I hope this clarifies some things and brings some clearer understanding for some of you. Thanks and have a great day everyone!

I have only posted here a few times and posted back in August when I first got into trouble for diverting drugs and a prescription from work. I ended up resigning from the hospital I worked at. It was either resign or they would contact law enforcement. I found out when I received a copy of the complaint that was filed against me with the BON that a "concerned friend" called the hospital anonymously on me and that is how I was found out. I know exactly who it was because I had only confided in one person what I had been doing and that I wanted help. This is a person that I thought was a dear friend that I have known for many years. Funny thing is that when she called the hospital on me I had already been clean for 2 weeks. Also, she is the one I called to come pick me up from work the day that I was confronted and suspended. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why she did that to me. This is a person that I knew had many problems herself but I considered her my friend and never thought she would hurt me. She is the type of person that loves drama and the only thing I could come up with was she got some sort of sick thrill and thrives off of other's misery. I talked to a psychologist about her and she said that she sounds like a sociopath. Someone who is very good at deceiving, acting like they care, but then will turn around and victimize you. Well that it exactly what this person did to me and I am having a very difficult time with it. Right after I got the complaint and put 2 and 2 together that she made the anonymous call to my employer, I sent her a nasty email in the heat of the moment. Told her that I would never forgive her, blah, blah, blah. Two days later I got a call from a detective at the police station wanting to talk to me. I went in and the 2 detectives that I met with said that they got a call from a "concerned friend" and she had told them about what I did at the hospital. They said they didn't think they would file any charges against me and I think they basically just wanted to scare me and were digging for information. Why is this person, that I used to call my friend, trying to ruin my life? I never did anything to wrong her! I just don't understand and am scared of what she'll do next even though I am doing nothing wrong right now and am working hard to get my life back together. I haven't spoken to her and intend on never speaking to her again. On a good note, I went to the BON today for the screening meeting concerning my complaint. I had already referred myself to the NAP program last month so they decided to dismiss the complaint and I have to stay in NAP for 3 years but that's okay! I am so happy and grateful that something good actually happened for me!! These past couple months have just been hell. I got turned down for a clinic job early last month because of my past issues and being in NAP. They had another ad in the paper for the same position last weekend so I sent them a letter, and asked if they would reconsider the decision to not hire me. The director called me a couple days later and told me he "strongly encouraged" me to reapply. So I just turned the app in this morning. We'll see what happens. Do you really think that he would have called and told me to reapply if I didn't have a chance? Hopefully, things are looking up! Thanks for reading and for any advice or comments. :redpinkhe

Update...... Met with the hosp. again on Tuesday. I told them I was considering staying employed there. Well, I guess that one of the stipulations of me staying employed there is that they will contact law enforcement. If I resign, they say their involvement is done and law enforcement won't be contacted. So, I am going to resign. I have no choice really. I am not willing to stay employed there and risk having criminal charges brought against me if I have the option to resign and not have law enforcement contacted. It seems to me, that this is their way of forcing me out. I wonder why they didn't just terminate me?? I asked for written documentation and then I will turn in my letter of resignation. I think this is for the best and I know I will get another job sooner or later (hopefully sooner). Thanks again you guys, for all your support!! I will keep checking in here regularly and posting. It is nice to know that I am not alone :)

For those that did not read my story, I am an addicted nurse, with a long history of addiction. The past year I have become been addicted to opiates, sought help a month ago, and have been clean for almost 4 weeks now thanks to suboxone. Last week I got confronted at work (hospital) for a prescription that I stole/filled 4 weeks ago. When I did this I knew I hit my bottom, got scared, knew I needed help immediately, and got on the suboxone. I had applied for a job a few days prior at the local community health clinic because I wanted to get out the hospital work environment and start my road to recovery with a clean slate. The day after I was suspended from work, the clinic called me to schedule an interview. I went to the interview today and I got the feeling they really liked me and want to hire and are desperate for nursing help because they called one of my references within 2 hours. I know this because my reference called me to let me know they had called her. I am a good, hard worker, and a good nurse. I love my patients, but I am an addict. I am serious about recovery and staying clean. I have been battling this monster for too long I know the hospital reported me to the BON and I have already started taking steps to enroll myself in the NAP program, knowing that is one thing the board will require of me. I wont actually have formal action taken against me until the board meets again, the end of October so until then, my license is still in good standing. I know I will need to tell any prospective employers about being in the NAP program because they have to sign an agreement but my issue is, should I be honest with them about what happened at the hospital? I suspect my license will be put on probation when I go to the board in Oct. I really don't think it will get suspended, as I know other nurses that have been through this and their licenses were never suspended. I have never been in trouble with the board before. I need to work. My counselor believes that it is best for me to work also. He thinks I am at more risk for relapse if I am not working and just sitting home all day thinking about it. This clinic is a place I would really LOVE to work. I know I will have narc restrictions, that's ok, I don't think they deal with narcs there anyhow. I am ok with telling them I have substance abuse issues, am in the assistance program, counseling, and am being monitored. If this place is not ok with that then so be it. I don't know whether to tell them about the hospital incident and that I will be going in front of the board in Oct. I know honesty is the best policy but what do you guys think in this situation. I am at such a loss I have thought about just going back to clerical work if I have to but if I can get another nursing job that would be great. Any advice???

Thank you for the kind words and the support. I know that I need all I can get right now. I got called in for a meeting at the hospital today after I posted here. I met with 2 people from human resources and the vice president of patient care. All three of them were so unbelievable supportive. First they said they were filing a complaint with the BON which I already knew was going to happen. Then the vice president of HR said that he didn't know yet if law enforcement was going to get involved. He said that he was going to contact the chief of police to ask what the hospital needs to do, if anything. I am HOPING and praying that they will say that they don't have to pursue any legal action. I am still on unpaid suspension. They did not say that I was going to be terminated but laid out some stipulations that would be in place if I were to continue employment there. They said that if I choose to stay there that they will be there to help me through this I know that I will not go back to work in the actual hospital on a floor but maybe for one of the clinics. I don't know..... The vice president of patient care gave me a lot of good insight. She assured me that there is hope and that she is there to help me. She said that she does not want to see me give up my nursing career, that she wants to see me get better, grow, and move on. She stongly encouraged me to get involved with the assistance program right away, which I am already doing. I called them this afternoon and left a message. I will call again tomorrow. The fact that they are being supportive and not treating me like a criminal or a horrible person is really helping me through this. I know this is just a bump in the road and things will get better as I do what I need to do to stay clean. One of my favorite sayings is "this too shall pass". I keep telling myself over and over again, that this happened for a reason and I will heal and move on to a brighter future.

Hello everyone. I am a nurse and I have a long history of addiction. I have been an active addict since I was 15 yrs old and I am now 29. The first drug that caused me major trouble in my life was meth. I first went to treatment for that when I was 19 and then again when I was 22. I managed to stay clean off the meth but used other substances, alcohol, pot, and benzos. Throughout this I managed to go to college and get a nursing degree and license. I thought I had it together, and thought I had control of myself. I got a job at a hospital and soon after was introduced to opiates through my ex husband. Never thought this would be a problem. Only used them occassionaly and recreationally. Never dreamed that my addiction would become so out of control that I would find myself here. I was diverting from work and forged a prescription. This was 2 weeks ago. I knew that if I didn't stop my life would be over. I sought help on my own through a counselor and doctor that got me on suboxone 2 weeks ago. I have been clean for 2 weeks. Yesterday I was confronted at work for diverting and the prescription. I admitted and told them that I had sought help 2 weeks ago and had been clean. They have apparently been investigating me. I was suspended and they are contacting the state BON. I know I will have to enroll in the nurse assistance program and be monitored. I am ok with that because I am willing to do whatever it takes to finally be clean and be in active recovery. They don't know yet if legal charges will be brought against me. The hospital said they would contact the board, find out exactly what to do, and go from there. They were actually very supportive and seemed like they sincerely want to help me. I don't know if and when they will allow me to come back to work or if I even want to. The truth is that I applied for a clinic position last week because after entering into outpatient treatment I wanted to start with a clean slate. I knew what I had done at the hospital and to be quite honest I don't even want to work around narcotics. The clinic called me for an interview today. I don't know what to do. No matter what I will have to be honest with prospective future employers. I need to work. I am a single mother and have been struggling through a divorce. I don't know if I will even be allowed to work/change jobs as a nurse in the middle of this mess. I haven't heard anything from the BON yet but think I should probably call them. I think I will go ahead and enroll myself in the assistance program right away if I can. The worst part of this is that 10 years ago I have a felony conviction for using stolen credit cards during my meth use. I had to sit for the board to get my license and assured them that I had changed. This was before I became addicted to opiates. Also, the hospital I work for decided to give me a chance and then I went and did what I did. I am going through so many emotions right now and am really struggling. I have been crying off and on and feel so depressed. I have been in close contact with my addiction counselor and sponsor the past 24 hours. I just need hope and a hug.