one thing that struck me, you said it still affecting after it happened for a long time.. i believe our inner self wants us to be awaken.. just try to open up your mind and heart to understand. this will continue affecting until we listen to our inner self wants us to realize, to know .. during the process a person can fell the fear... but reading inspiring words would help to over come the fear.. you have a good heart.. something so special within you. :redbeathe:redpinkhe:redbeathe:redpinkhe