ctpicu82

Well thank you all for your wonderful and insightful words. I appreciate them all very much. However, I have been let go from my position in the PICU, as of Dec 11, 2 weeks exactly before Christmas, Merry freakin Xmas,huh? I am doing ok though. I have taken the last few weeks to kind of get perspective of the whole thing and try to understand the whats and the whys. Luckily I could financially afford to take some time. But I have to say that my confidence is not what it used to be. One of the things they said to me was that this was not personal. Well I am sure that most if not all of you would agree that being a nurse is part of who you are, and when you question someone's integrity that is definitely something personal. I have come to the conclusion that my being let go was due more to the fact of who my preceptor was. The guy that was suspended, and then chose not to return after being there 10 years. It has always been my gut feeling that this had to do with him. My suspicion is that he was suspended for something, and they are afraid that I know something about this thing, that could possibly hurt them. Unfortunately, I am the one suffering the consequences. But I do plan on returning there in a few weeks and going through my file with a representative from HR, then writing a rebuttal statement, and finally setting up and exit interview with the Chief of Nursing. I have no intention of going back to work at this hospital, but who knows what is 5 or 10 years down the road, and I would really hate to regret not handling all this later on. Unfortunately, this is really the only hospital in this area that does pediatrics. So for now, unless I find an office position, pediatrics will have to go to the back burner. I havent decided where to go yet, but I am strongly considering 2 things. One is going to yet another hospital and working with cardiac patients, or the ICU, or returning to my previous hospital and going to the ICU there. It was also very difficult to really do anything about a new job because of the holidays, no one is in their offices and doing the usual stuff for the most part. Gotta love the christmas present the PICU gave me, dont ya??? Anyway, jsut wanted to give you all an update. And again thank you for your support and kind words.

I am an RN in upstate NY. I previously worked at a local hospital with adults on a cardiac/medical unit. It was kind of like a step down from the ICU. I worked here for 7 years with no major problems and great performance reviews. I am currently at a different hospital in the PICU. Over the past 2months things for me have gone from ok to bad to worse. Last week I was once again blind sided and asked to meet with the director of Pediatric nursing and my nurse manager and nurse leader. In short, I was told that they wanted to discontinue my relationship with the PICU. I am still on orientation, with only 5-6 weeks left to go. My original Preceptor has left the hospital. He was suspended for 3 weeks and then the decision was his as to whether to return or not. After 10 years of working in the PICU he choose not to return. I am not sure why he was suspended, but I do know that he was an amazing nurse so much so that the residents, fellows and sometimes attendings would go to him with questions. There are definitely some politics at this hospital, but I am feeling quite helpless. I have had a few discussions with my nurse leader during my orientation regarding my performance and progress. There were a couple of instances where I made a mistake, none of which ever harmed a patient. All were caught long before that when I was checking or verifying with my preceptor. We discussed them and moved on. I was under the impression that this is what part of orientation is all about, learning. I am fully aware that things are very different in the pediatric world vs the adult world. However, I was told last week that my practice was unsafe and that there are questions regarding my integrity with my preceptors. The last meeting I had prior to this one was to discuss my "lack of progress". This totally caught me off guard and left me speechless. After this meeting I had decided that that was only going to happen once, and from that point on made a point of asking my preceptors after each shift of what was good, bad or indifferent. Not once was this integrity thing brought up. But it is what was told to my nurse leader. Just a thought, but if I were precepting someone and I asked them if they had done something, they responded yes and then a little later I saw them doing something that indicated they had not yet done the questioned task I would ask them about it, wouldnt you? By the end of the meeeting last week it was decided that we would meet again this week after thinking about all that has been said by both parties. I am just so lost as to how I got here and what to do now. I feel like I am being attacked, and singled out. Basically in most instances it is my word against theirs. I plan on bringing in past performance reviews and documenting everything and handing it to HR to put in my file, but I am still left with this awful feeling of failure. I really love my job in the PICU but they dont love me. I honestly felt that pediatrics was where I should be, and it felt right to me. What do I do now? Do I stay in pediatrics and try to go to a different unit, stay at this hospital even, or do I just cut my losses and move on to somewhere for a fresh start? Any suggestions? I have been agonizing with this for days and all it is doing is making me nauseated and sleepless.

Hi all!!! Thank you so much for all your kind words and thoughts. I just wanted to say that today at work I kicked butt!!!!! I think I showed some people a thing or two about my "abilities" and maybe made them rethink their not so supportive comments and attitudes. Today I am good and had a great day. But definitely could not have gotten there and been "ON" today without all your words of encouragement. SO thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your kindness has meant more than you will ever know. So back tomorrow to kick some more and start taking names....teehee thanks guys you are the best!!!!!

Yes I guess I left that part out. I have had a discussion or 2 with my nurse manager, and team leader, who have inexplicitly stated that I am not progressing as they would like. The instances that were given were one-sided accounts of a couple situations in which apparently my preceptors were unhappy with my performance. Last week I was basically told that I had an ultimatum, but it wasnt really an "ultimatum", using their words. I have basically been demoted to working the entire unit instead of just the part I was hired to do. It is just so embarrassing and humilitating. I have never ever had trouble getting my feet in and doing well. I do realize that every position is not for every nurse. I just am having a hard time believing that that is the case here. I almost feel like they dont want me to succeed.

thanks for the advice. I do appreciate it. I just am feeling like the people that count are the ones who "dont see me progressing" and have expectations that are too high. I think they thought things were going to be much easier and I would be done with orientation by now. I was hoping for the same. I am coming in with cardiac experience, but not the pediatric kind. Havent worked with kids in about 8 years. I would like to also point out to them that in the 10 weeks I have only been on the unit about 50%of the time, due to other things that I had to observe or participate in. Can you really make a decision about someone in a "5 week" period? But I am unsure how to bring my concerns up to my boss and others without sounding like I am whining or making excuses.

well I started a new position a few months back. I am still on orientation, like week 10 on the actual unit. It is a PICU with a cardiac component. I am an experienced RN with many years of experience at another facility working with adults. It seems as though I am not fulfilling the expectations of others. I am not feeling alot of confidence being placed in me, but am feeling alot of frustration, embarrassment and disappointment. The way I feel right now, really bummed out, almost just want to throw in the towel and resign. But my heart tells me that I can do this and I should be doing this. Does anyone have any suggestions for me or even words of encouragement??? I could really use them before I head back to work tomorrow for some more judging.